Na man, he means the pattern of "e-tardness" showing up in the structuring of your words.

But I recently believed that Ecstacy was inhibiting my life and stopped for good, but goddamn I wasn't even close to the level you were, I only rolled once a week but constantly, although with a lot of rolls each of those nights. Everyday? You should've known better.

I felt the many things you did, and still do. Withdrawn/anxious, inhibited thought and communication, for a bit, I almost felt my hearing was going to give in, with ringings on my ears, and trance embedded in my brain. I use to have a bad case of HPPD from all the psychedelics I was using, mainly 2c-i. Like you, I couldn't drive, I couldn't see without seeing a big fucking halo the size of a grapefruit. Luckily that has faded through time, the halo is gone and I can deal with the tracers now. I can, but can't imagine what you are going through right now. Infact I don't even know how I dealt with working 40 hours a week, and getting fucked up every weekend on an assortment of drugs, looking back now, I have no idea how I survived, and didn't get my ass fired. Lucky for me, my closest friends were potheads and not tweakers, I can't deal with those sonofabitches.

I would like to thank you for sharing this story, because this is what I could've easily became. Whatever you do, be strong and keep fighting, as long as you didn't lose to life, you can and shall overcome.
Take care bro