For those 35 to say 45 years old

[Cheery Cherry]

Maybe you are right, hopefully when I reach 40 in about 10 years, things will be clearer.

[Xerox Moon]

Maybe you are right, hopefully when I reach 40 in about 10 years, things will be clearer.

Good Lord willing, that day will come, Cheery, and you'll look back on these days with gratitude.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you the best--and the strength to endure the worst.

[del...]

51.5 here and loving it! finally free from most responsibilties...major ones anyway; the kids are grown and getting on with their own lives. had to retire early due to multiple back surgeries but even that is under control now...so plenty of gardening and road trip time! sure, there are downer times but at what age weren't there? for me, those times are few luckily...just the aches and pains to deal with and good bud usually fixes that.
can't say i'm looking forward to 60 tho...but with 2012 coming up, who knows what's gonna happen...

[Xerox Moon]

51.5 here and loving it!

Best to you, del. Best to you (and all the fortysomethings reading this). Hope to be loving life as much as you are now when (good Lord willing) my 51st year rolls around.

[Az.]

but with 2012 coming up, who knows what's gonna happen...

whats happening in 2012?

I like threads like this....its interesting to read about others life experiences....

[anycraic]

yeah decent threads like this are a rarity, and 2012 is the apocalypse, in case u havent heard

[florida boy 3]

this is a great thread, i'm 48 been with the same woman for 27 yrs. i've got two sons one is 26 the other 18. the oldest lives in new-york he got married last year, they are expecting their first child later on this year. the youngest still lives at home. i got hurt on the job about 5 yrs. ago, messed my back up. i've had back surgery but it's just as bad as it was from the start. so i don't work anymore. i work in my yard and garden. i'm like most of you, you got your good days and your bad. but over-all things is good

[Edgar]

This thread is a great thread, great topics, truly getting to the marrow of whats important in life and what makes life enjoyable (two things that really go hand in hand). Even so, It makes me depressed to read of others accomplishments and lessons learned, knowing that I my self am in a dead end job and going nowhere fast (in more ways that 1). I mean it made me really depressed... Maybe depressed isn't the right word to use for how this thread made me feel, its more like a kind of painfully sad feeling that physically hurts, like i was going to cry, but instead of it coming out, the feeling somehow turned inward creating an ache in my chest and throat, while my face feels swollen as if filled with the very feelings I've bottled up over the years. You know that feeling? I do, and i think i even know whats causing it in this case. I havn't even attempted improving my social life for an embarrassingly long time. (and it shows) I dont really get along with a lot of people, not even most of my "friends". And i have a hard time communicating with people, especially in person. This stems partly from social anxiety, and partly because my mind is a little fucked up. I have a hard time saying what i mean unless i think about it for a while, and get what i mean to say straight in my head, or on paper, or in a message window on cannabis.com message boards or wherever. I tend to come up with a bit of a jumbled "word salad" when i speak, even when im straight/clean/onthewagon/ whatever you wanna call bein "drug free". Its like i want to communicate too much at one time, so i keep jumping from one topic to another in a nonlinear fashion as Im sorta doin right now, except when im typing I can remain somewhat articulate. Ive got the usual suspects, depression, anxiety, ADD(without the hyperactivity), and even insomnia from time to time. Ive been through the whole therapy/inafective drug treatment bit (for years) and im thoroughly sick of the mental health community and their bs. Ive had those problems since i was 12, some of them before that, so Ive had plenty of time to analyze them, but while I have a pretty good understanding of how my mind works, I dont have the motivation to make the changes I know I'll eventually have to make of my own free will, or because of necessity. I was prescribed Adderall at one point, partly for my add, partly for depression, and partly just for energy, as I'm a very slugish person. But After coming off that, (yes i used it inappropriately, and i have no one to blame for that but myself.) I was left with even less natural motivation/ambition. All these problems tend to add up to a person that seems frosty uncaring, disassociated, nervous and uptight(which im not at heart, except for the nervousness part.) So as you can imagine, that doesn't rake in the friends, or the women for that matter. In essense, Im a real nowhere man sitting in this nowhere land, making all my nowhere plans for nobody, and hearing about your lives just highlights and reminds me of my own problems which i'm constantly running away from and of my life, which isn't really much of a life at all. So go ahead and tell me to get a life, cus that phrase definitely applies here.

I agree with the philosophy or whatever you want to call it, that helping and caring/living for others is good karma, and makes you feel better about yourself, but i agree with Cheery cherry when she says we need a balance between caring for others and caring for ones self. Ive always taken in strays, and cared for a wide variety of animals, even volunteering my time at a wild animal rehabilitation center for a while, and besides that, I looked out for and sorta helped raise my little brother when my mom and dad split up the first time. Ive always tried to be nice to everyone i meet(when im capable of doing so.), going out of my way to stick up for, and or become friends with those who are ridiculed, as i too have experienced my fair share of ridicule at the hands of insecure idiots or just plain assholes that have nothing better to do. I do feel the joy of helping others, and yes that joy is fleeting, and these days, when i dont 'socialize' much, I dont have as many oppurtunities to be of help to others, and sometimes its just not possible (or its possible but really hard to do), depending on how I myself feel, and besides that, its hard to give love or companionship or even to simply be friendly, when you yourself dont receive much of it or create the opportunities to receive it, or even allow ones self to receive it when you do have the opportunity. I do also regret those times, when i could have been helpful, but wasn't for selfish reasons. But thats hindsight for ya (20/20).

I realize I seem too inwardly focused, but in general, at this point in my life, Ive actually been avoiding focusing inward, as when i do, I tend to get depressed, but there are some things that just need to be worked out, and by the way psychedelics are an excellent tool for gaining perspective on and working through personal problems (though im sure many of you already knew that.) and though last time what i had would technically be considered a 'bad trip' (atleast for da first part.), I wouldn't trade it for the world, because the insight I've gained from it can't be bought in any store, or on any corner, and isn't even guarenteed when you take psychedelics. Basically I do agree that living for others is the key, but if you dont have your own life in order, you could end up doing more harm than good. For example, my last gf and I had a pretty bad breakup which left us both feeling like shit, simply because at the time i couldn't be honest with her, she though i didn't love her, at first we were a good couple, but i couldn't talk about my depression with her, so when i became depressed, as i inevitably do for whatever biochemical reasons, she though i was being standoffish, and since i wasn't able to word the terribly complex thoughts that were on my mind, or even tell her about my depression, we broke up, and not on good terms.

Ok, I may sound as if im just a nuerotic whiner, and this whole post is alot longer and more awkward than i intended but to be honest i hadn't planned on posting this at all, i just started typing, getting whatever i needed to get off my chest hoping I would but not sure If i could click the "Post Quick Reply" button. You see, i dont talk about this stuff ever, with anyone, I feel like a wall goes up everytime I want to. Thats one of the great things about message boards, you have some degree of anonymity, so its far easier to be candid. Besides, discussing this is probably a good way of working through my problems. So if you dont like it, sorry you read it, but i had to type it, so stay off my back, and hey, atleast this isn't "small talk". Oh yeah thats another problem of mine... Low self-confidence/self-esteem, mixed in with a bit paranoia.Low self-confidence/self-esteem, mixed in with a bit paranoia.

Ok believe it or not, i actually had more to say, (mostly about some of the previous posts, which i really enjoyed, even though you are old geezers and generations apart from me. ) but as i smoked not long b4 i typed this all, Im starting to feel really burnt out, so to be continued, or not.


uh the format of my writing may seem a little fucked up, thats cus after this started getting really long i saved it to notepad real quick just in case, so if i accidently fucked it up, by deleting part of it or something (which i did) or accidently hitting the back button, i could just copy and paste it back in, which i did, except after doin that, the line structure got a little screwed up.

[likemclever]

51.5 here and loving it! finally free from most responsibilties...major ones anyway; the kids are grown and getting on with their own lives. had to retire early due to multiple back surgeries but even that is under control now...so plenty of gardening and road trip time! sure, there are downer times but at what age weren't there? for me, those times are few luckily...just the aches and pains to deal with and good bud usually fixes that.
can't say i'm looking forward to 60 tho...but with 2012 coming up, who knows what's gonna happen...

Hey delâ?¦forgive me for being off subject but I noticed where you were from and then you mentioned 2012. So I was wondering do you ever listen to George Noore/Art Bell (coast to coast) interesting and entertaining stuffâ?¦just wondering.

[likemclever]

whats happening in 2012?

2012â?¦..The end of the Mayan calendarâ?¦..Google it.