Well...I was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder, then bi-polar disorder. The therapists werent able to help me (not to say they dont help, but they didnt help me) and they really fucked me up with drugs like halperidol (which is hell, literally), risperdal, lithium, etc...then the seratonin re-uptake drugs, prozac, zoloft, paxil, they didnt do anything except help with the depression a little. I never touched an illegal drug until I was 29 years old. After smoking some marijuana it was like all the 'bullshit' in my head ceased for a time. Then I smoked more and eventually became a stoner, and thats cool. Something it did that nothing else did was allow 'the others' if there are any, to communicate, remember past shit, face my own demons and today, I'm relatively normal. LOL Much like the other lady that responded on here...I was sexually abused at a very young age, subjected to cruelty and tactics that really fucked me up. Anyhow...I realized it wasnt my fault, and also realized the sickness of the people that do those sorts of things...they are more than likely just a cog in the wheel...but I have dealt with it all fairly well. I used to cut myself up, do destructive things to myself...but with paranoid schizophrenia, its so easy to totally lose your grasp of reality isnt it? I hope that you get help and ARE helped. I know the prescription drugs are akin to being in hell and that unlike those of us 'getting a handle on things' schizophrenics arent capable of doing that...you have to know the problem before you can fix it, and no one really knows what causes it or how it develops, or what happens in the brain. I'm not a know it all. And certainly not trying to be a smartass. I truly hope that whatever methods of treatment you go thru, that they help you somehow. For me, marijuana is the ONLY thing that has EVER eased my mind , allowed me to feel happiness , not worry about what someone else thought of me, and bring all the chaos of the shit that makes my psyche me to a calm and communicative point within myself. So find whatever it takes that helps you and do it.