Successful Substitution at a Pre-Employment Urine Test at Concentra =)

[IrocD]

Warning: Fellow smokers, this is my first post on this site, and some may consider it slightly long or wordy, so be prepared to read or move along ;P I am writing this in such detail because I appreciate the information I obtained from this site to help me with my test. If even the slightest detail in this post helps even one person, it will have been worth the time it took to write it. So here we go...

My Stats:
Age: 28 Height: 5'11" Weight: 230 and with a shitty metabolism
Smoking History: Not excessive and I only smoked every once in a blue moon, up until about a month ago when I started smoking a few times a day. The last time I smoked was about 5 days before the test. It's worth noting, however, that I once tested positive for 6 weeks for certain substance which I had only used a couple times in a few days that is supposed to be out of your system in like a week =(

A conditional offer of employment was extended to me at 2PM on Friday, and I was told that I had until 10PM to submit to a urinalysis at Concentra. Even though I had some time to try dilution, I did not want to risk using my own urine. I also did not want to try using any of those products that supposedly clean your urine either, as I had tried one about 11 years ago and failed miserably. Substitution was my only option, and I was confident it was possible for me as I was pretty sure I would not be accompanied to the toilet since this was a pre-employment test. Add to that that my wife actually managed to subsitute several times with her probation officer two feet from her.

After being given the paperwork, I drove right to CVS and got un-lubricated condoms. All the pharmacies were out of the 'Hot Hands' hand warmers, so I had to go to Wal-Mart for those. Next for the urine source- first to come to mind was my 4-year-old daughter. However, I am male, and although I was confident that while the lab obviously can tell your sex from your urine, they wont because it's cost-prohibitive to do so IMO. Obviously however, males might want to avoid using urine from a woman who is menopausal maybe? (Opinions on that statement are welcomed) Even still, I wanted to check the internet, and here to this website I landed. After reading several threads, the general consensus appeared to be that my assumption was correct.

That's when I spoke to my wife, who reminded me of our older, straight-edge friend that has never even tried drugs that she'd gotten urine from before. The friend does drink at night, but being that it was 2:30 in the afternoon and she hadn't drank yet, I was sure that the alcohol was out of her system so I sent my wife over to collect a void from her. She returned home with a bottle containing roughly 2oz of urine.

I got to work washing out my condoms and practicing with water. I also had the luxury of an Exergen Temporal Scanner thermometer to aid in the process. My results were about the same as the accepted standard- the liquid cools at a rate of 1 degree every 2-3 minutes. I didn't know how much urine I would need, and I didn't want to risk the condom breaking so I put about 1oz in the condom and tied it off. In retrospect, I wish I had followed another member's post about twisting it and folding it over like a bread bag, but oh well maybe next time =)

Here comes the interesting part - On a regular basis, I prefer the comfort of an... unfurnished basement, if you will... And the only underwear I do have are boxers for wear around the house. Nothing that would hold the package close enough to my.... package lol. Being strapped for cash after purchasing the condoms and hand warmers, the only option I had was some of my wife's old panties. Okay everyone, yuk it up, I know it's funny but let's be adults here =)

As far as quantity goes, I had read on the site that most places want roughly 2oz of urine. Contrary to this, the methadone clinic I go to will accept even a splash or a squirt. And I do have a documented urinary condition that does make voiding difficult sometimes, especially under stress or pressure like being 'on the spot' so I only put about 1oz in the condom. I put the condom underneath my sack in my perineal area. I wore two pairs so I could shove a few hand warmers in there. I then pinned a safety pin to the underwear and got dressed. Then on a whim, I put the remaining 1oz of urine into a well cleaned 1oz methadone take-home bottle. I put that in the underwear as well, positioned up higher toward my pelvis, kind of in the crack made between my pubic region and my thigh, and put a couple hand warmers near it. I figured that just in case something happened on the 40 minute ride to Concentra, I would have a backup. And as you will see, it's a damn good thing I did this. So I got in the car, and cranked up my heated seats and headed out around 6:30ish.

I got there shortly after 7PM, and in the parking lot, I checked the temp of both the condom and the bottle, and both were in the 99 degree area. Nervous as hell, I went inside and let them know I was there. There were only a few people there, one or 2 were there for urgent care reasons and I think one other was there for a job-related physical and drug test. It took them about 20 minutes to call my name, and a very polite (and kinda cute ;P) nurse led me to the urinalysis area.

The area was very confined, and consisted of a tiny, extremely echo-y bathroom with only a toilet, and a counter outside the bathroom with only about 3 feet of floor space separating the two. After first confirming my identity, she had me wash my hands in a sink on the counter while she opened up the new sterile cup. It was of the 5-panel rapid test type, but it wasn't like any other piss cup I had ever seen. It had these little legs on it, and it was very shallow- and wide in diameter. She took out a Sharpie and drew a line on the cup. I took off my jacket and hung it on the hook, and she opened a drawer and told me to empty my pockets into it. I was extremely nervous at this point, and I was trying to hide it and make conversation. She squirted a shot of dye into the toilet and told me to fill the cup to the line and not to flush the toilet.

I went into the bathroom and unbuckled my belt and pants, trying to use the buckle to make noise. I got the condom and the safety pin out and stabbed it. This did not go as planned, and I couldn't get all the piss out. The piss was nowhere near the line, so at this point I was ever so thankful I had brought the bottle too. I needed a free hand, so like an idiot I put the not-completely-empty piss condom into my pocket. For something that didn't want to empty when it needed to into the cup, it sure had no problem soaking my jeans through the pocket ;(. But anyway, this bathroom was so echo-y that every little sound sounded like it was being sent thru a megaphone probably right to the ears of the nurse outside. And now I had to open a medicine bottle in there without making a sound. I tried using a couple of grunting sounds, figuring I could use my documented urinary condition afterwards if necessary by just saying I was having difficulty. Speaking of which, all the piss I had just about made it right under the line, so I asked her through the door if that was okay and she said yes.

I had piss all over my hands so I left the bathroom, set the cup on the counter and proceeded to wash my hands as she checked the bathroom. Then I noticed she was looking at me and not doing anything, so now I was really nervous as hell. I then realized that it was only cause she had to go through certain steps with me, like sealing the container and me initialing the top. I then also remembered that I hadn't looked at the temperature strip, and the she was and I couldn't see it. At this point, there were 3 yes or no questions on the computer screen in front of us, and I could see she was waiting to click the answers until I was looking. The first one was if the sample appeared tampered, and she clicked no. The second one, I don't remember what it was, probably because I was so concentrated on the last one, which asked if the sample was within the correct temperature range. And she clicked yes!!! So I must have done okay.

After that, she put the container in a bag, I signed my name on a digital signature pad, she gave me a receipt, and sent me on my way. The only issue I had was whether those questions on the computer being answered while you watch was just a decoy thing, and they really answer that stuff after. They just do it so nobody makes a scene when the nurse thinks your sample is questionable. So I welcome any thoughts or comments on that.

Hope this helps someone, and if anyone has any questions or comments, please feel free to post them. Also, if I have asserted anything that is not factual or in any way may possibly be misleading to someone, please know it is entirely unintentional and please bring it to my attention so I may modify my post accordingly.

Phew, now with all that out of the way, the only worry I have now about getting this job is the background check... There's no way to dilute or substitute that! =)

IrocD Reviewed by IrocD on 03-10-2013. Successful Substitution at a Pre-Employment Urine Test at Concentra =) Warning: Fellow smokers, this is my first post on this site, and some may consider it slightly long or wordy, so be prepared to read or move along ;P I am writing this in such detail because I appreciate the information I obtained from this site to help me with my test. If even the slightest detail in this post helps even one person, it will have been worth the time it took to write it. So here we go... My Stats: Age: 28 Height: 5'11" Weight: 230 and with a shitty metabolism Rating: 5

[IgotQuestions]

First of all, samples cannot be tested for gender or anything unrelated to whether or not there are drug metabolites in it and (if they want) a few tests to check for adulteration such as specific gravity, creatine, etc. Those are the only tests they will perform.

I THINK occasionally, when a drug test AND physical are needed they will sometimes look at medical things such as sugar levels and such to check for things like diabetes. But you would know if they were doing that, and I don't think it's common. But genetic/gender is strictly prohibited regardless.

No, they aren't going to put one thing down and then change their mind or whatever. Once it is all filled out and sent, it's done. If you did it all correctly and there is no problem with the product, you're golden.

[IrocD]

First of all, samples cannot be tested for gender or anything unrelated to whether or not there are drug metabolites in it and (if they want) a few tests to check for adulteration such as specific gravity, creatine, etc. Those are the only tests they will perform.

Thanks for your input. I already knew that they would not be testing my urine for gender. And like I said, there was no physical being done. Strictly urine for drugs, so that if I end up all drugged out and crash a company car or something, their ass is covered and they can say "Well we tested him!" =)

If you did it all correctly and there is no problem with the product, you're golden.

Was there a pun intended with that last part? lol

[hairymacaroni]

I just substituted a pre-employment test for Concentra. I took the test Friday April 10th, and the following Friday, the 19th, the company I applied to, wanted to know which office I took the urine not received the results which they said "concerned them."

I had to add maybe a tbsp. of my own sample to the substituted sample because I did not have enough, but I diluted like mad that day.


Should I be shitting bricks?

[bigigantic]

did they give you any trouble for not having any urine in the toilet? That part concerns me, since I have a 2 oz bottle of ultraclean

[hairymacaroni]

did they give you any trouble for not having any urine in the toilet? That part concerns me, since I have a 2 oz bottle of ultraclean

No, they put a bluing agent in the toilet so they can't tell. Plus, I balled up a bunch of toilet paper and float it on top