[quote=Weezard][COLOR=#000080][SIZE=4][FONT=book antiqua]
That's what irritated me.
Then I started associating the irritation with the asker.
Good way to lose friends.

Know the feeling Weez, raised my voice for the first time to my parents a while back, don't even know why, but felt really bad about it and told them what was going on after apologizing to them. They have been nothing but supportive during this ordeal and I do love them so. The post I wrote above took almost 2 hours and I left out probably the most important thing I wanted to cover, the irritation that leads to violence. In the past month I've become so irritated over stupid shit that I end up turning violent. Not against people mind you, just things around the house. Now granted, I'm a biker so I have a natural tendency not to take shit from people but this was starting to scare me. 2 weeks ago I toss a baked potato in the microwave for lunch, punch in 4 minutes and go back to the computer. Thought I heard it ring and figured I'd get it in a minute or so. I must have hit a button accidentally (44 minutes) as the microwave was still cooking as I played online. A few minutes later I'm sitting here and I see smoke coming out of the kitchen. Enter the kitchen and I see what's left of the potato on fire in the microwave. Got really pissed and threw the flaming piece of charcoal out the front door into the snow. Now most folks would have left it at that but for some reason (yeah, I'm pissed!) I go inside the house, come out with a .45 and I'm ready to empty the magazine into what's left of the potato. After a few seconds I'm like WTF am I doing? Hopefully the neighbors didn't see me. A few days later something minor set me off (kitchen chair tipping back because of all the coats and shirts on it) and I started kicking the living shit out of the chair for about 2 minutes. A few days after that I get set off again and start beating the table so hard I thought I broke my wrist. At this time I've got about a week left on the RSO and had been on it for almost 8 months so I figured just get through this last week and it'll all be fine. Panic attacks and anxiety attacks about doubled during this last week and I'd be lying to you if I didn't tell you suicide crossed my mind on more than one occasion. By time I was finally done with the RSO I was drained physically and emotionally. I don't understand how I can do RSO for 7 months with no problems what-so-ever and the last month turns out to be a nightmare. I do understand that I've always made my living using my hands and now that something as easy as tying my shoes can bring about a shitload of irritation, but I don't understand the violence. All I can say is I hope it goes away soon. I find myself staying at home more often as I don't want to interact with the public and take a chance of going off on someone. I know 3 other people with cancer at this time and have had second thoughts about seeing if they wanted to start RSO. Anyway, I've babbled enough here, just wanted folks to know that taking RSO may affect each of us differently and you never know how it's going to affect you until the time comes.
Ken