been everywhere you described,... anger for years.....bottled in....."gardening" does give me pause to forget the bullshit in my life,depressurize if you will...ha...its taken over my favorite hobby(gold hunting)...ya, smoking works also...but ,doing the whole trip(planting,growing,harvesting,curing)seems..... more rounded?more theraputical?i think the feeling of creating life,combats the desperate feeling syndrome...maybe not much,but some medicine has to be better than none...i do know this, building walls around yourself(like i've done for decades)does NOT help.....its hard to forget the past,when it just flashes into your brain constantly,unbidden,i think this is caused,when your brain is operating at half power(lol,no offense)like when you're doing something that doesn't take concentration.....i've been told ...focus...on the task at hand,on everything you do,keeping your mind focused,gives memories a smaller window to come thru(i think that rhymes,goddammit)...Peace be upon you OldHead,and our fallen brothers....