hi

[cosmoHBK]

Hi, I'm first year university student who goes to
university in Canada. First I'm asian and came to
north america for education since grade 10 without proper knowledge of enlgish so please understand some errors.

Anyways i had few times to toke before came to university.
But i refused all the offers because in asia u cannot even imagine the existence of cannabis so culturually i couldn't accept. Who would believe if i tell my friends in North America that u get jailed for openly telling that u've toked before even if u were famous singer.

Anyways i started smoking in university and so far i think i smoked around 8~9 times. Each time it was diffrent yet shocking experience.

To give some background i was somewhat trained in Buddhist philosophy. So when i get high i find some kind of spiritual enlightening moment that fits well to Buddhist doctrines.

Anyways, last time i toked i smoked one whole joint by myself. This experience brought me life changing moment and since then i threw all the left over weed which amount to $40 bucks, 7~9 joints... By this time people
will wonder what really happened to me. Oh well I experienced my existence starts to dissolve into nothingness as well as i was feeling total amnesia. Can u belive that i couldn't remember my parent's face, phonenumber, my face? It did happen... and layers of any logic just disappeared...

I don't understand.. can this happen? does this happen to anybody who smokes?

if this can happen how can people be not nice to each other and have narrow minded selfish thinking system even after the experience??

Now even sex does not interest me.. it is just physical binding between two different sexual bodies for pleasure which essentially does not exist by itself. Because if i believe my body exist... then sex can exist... and thus pleasure from it.

once you believe something exists then it exists...
Nothing can exist by itself. Everything is all interdependent.

Please leave some responses... i want to feel human again

cosmoHBK Reviewed by cosmoHBK on 12-28-2010. hi Hi, I'm first year university student who goes to university in Canada. First I'm asian and came to north america for education since grade 10 without proper knowledge of enlgish so please understand some errors. Anyways i had few times to toke before came to university. But i refused all the offers because in asia u cannot even imagine the existence of cannabis so culturually i couldn't accept. Who would believe if i tell my friends in North America that u get jailed for openly telling Rating: 5

[delusionsofNORMALity]

i want to feel human again

why would you want to do that? if i understand your dilemma correctly, you have managed to strip away the the lonely layers of self and begun to understand the nature of enlightenment. did you expect such a journey to be painless? leaving behind all that now seems important and embracing the larger picture is an arduous task and stumbling upon it accidentally is a happenstance that you obviously weren't ready for.

don't blame the weed, all of that was already in you. the relatively mild properties of weed merely brought to the surface a capacity that exists within us all. consider yourself lucky, it has taken me much harsher hallucinogenics to allow such feelings to surface, and don't worry, these feelings quickly fade without attention if that is what you desire. find some meaning in what you have experienced and hold onto it, you just might become a better person. you have been forced to recognize just how illusory are all those mundane necessities of life. family, friends and lovers are merely pleasant shackles that bind us to that illusion. the larger reality goes far beyond phone numbers and occasional sexual encounters. it is the path we all know is there, but few seldom even bother to seek.

[budlover13]

Interesting story. Asian laws against cannabis tend to be very harsh even though it has been used for centuries. The gov't sees that it opens free-thinking minds to the truth that is right in front of our faces. My theory is that we "forget the training" that has biased us towards a particular way of thinking.

As for losing yourself, some people have bad reactions. Rare, but possible. Maybe take a break, until YOU feel you are no longer under ANY effects and then re-visit the situation. Different perspective. But I would suggest that after doing this, you smoke a J and re-visit the thought.

[cosmoHBK]

i appreciate all the postings... especially i do appreciate the posting by delusionsof nomaility. First of all,,, i was free even before taking any substances in my body. In other words I stopped chasing human created desires...thanks to Buddhist doctrines... natural enlightening is possible and it gives more solution to the existential dilemma. And this is not my first time of ego death from weed. Yet this time was quite shocking since i was totally dissolved including all the memories i had... Yes, i smoked weed each time with the knowledge of emptiness...
thanks for the all the concerns... Thank you people D

[cosmoHBK]

... consider yourself lucky, it has taken me much harsher hallucinogenics to allow such feelings to surface,.

Hey delusions of normality. so u had to delve more into hallucinogens? other than weed??? I don't understand.. how can people not get it even from the weed?

Actually i have considered to try shroom/ cactus/lsd but now when i think calmly.. i don't feel any need of it since i see world with eternity now.
What I only feel now is to create something for humanity...

But really people don't get it from the weed??
they don't experience these??
do they really have to delve into more potent substance so that they can
feel the alienation?