Trying to quit, really am having a hard time

[bikeTripper]

i believe the correct term is pattern recognition behavior. you get used to a pattern and when something changes it doesnt feel right. a dog never let of a leash and tied down for years on end would not leave his perimeter if the leash was removed. change is always difficult, however we have the ability to achieve it.

meded is a hell of a drug

Yep. Change your habits. Do unfamiliar things for a while. Your mind will associate its desires with your usual patterns of behavior. Shake things up a bit.

Ever notice how many cigarette smokers quit and then start again while/after getting drunk?

On the plus side, your tolerance is going to drop to almost nada. First time you smoke after time off is great. Prepare to get ripped.