Thoughts on forgiveness and trust

[pepurr]

If some one has injured you, you have a choice to forgive them, or not. If you forgive them is there trust involved in that forgiveness?

To forgive them first you have to over come your pain and possible anger toward the person you see as being the cause of your harm. You have to get past the injury and see them in a new light.

The trusting, when it is involved in forgiveness, is tempered by if the person who injured you asks for forgiveness, or if they don't. If they did not ask for forgiveness, there is no reason to believe or trust they will not commit that act again. Forgiving them may help you to get on with your life. It does nothing to mend personal relationships.

On the other hand, if the person who injured you asks for forgiveness. They promise to not injure you again. Then you forgive them, are you not trusting them to keep their promise. If you do not trust them to keep their promise, then you really haven't forgiven them. You believe they have not made a true effort to mend their ways if you do not trust them to keep their word. If you do not believe they have made a true effort, how can you say you have forgiven them. Seems like to say one forgives, but but does not trust, would be only for the benefit of the one doing the forgiving. An effort to gain peace of mind.

This is shown to be the case in our society. Take for instance someone convicted of a felony. Once they have suffered the banishment of prison, and are released, this release is societies way of granting forgiveness. But then after they are released they may be discriminated against because of the past transgressions. Not trusted to carry on in an honorable way. Not given that job because the business owner thinks the felon may steal.

There is forever a lack of trust. No matter how many years of good behavior go by, this hangs over some of them. Are they really forgiven? No they are not. If they were, society would believe the felon has paid the price. Trust that his release signaled the states trust in him or her to not repeat past actions.

I think trust goes hand in hand with forgiveness. To truly forgive, one must trust that they will not commit the same injury. Trust they are sincere in their plea for forgiveness, and they want to change for the better. Without trust forgiveness brings no healing for the injured or the one who seeks forgiveness. Healing does not fully happen, because the unfortunate actions of the past are expected to be possible.

What are your thoughts concerning this? :hippy:

pepurr Reviewed by pepurr on 07-07-2010. Thoughts on forgiveness and trust If some one has injured you, you have a choice to forgive them, or not. If you forgive them is there trust involved in that forgiveness? To forgive them first you have to over come your pain and possible anger toward the person you see as being the cause of your harm. You have to get past the injury and see them in a new light. The trusting, when it is involved in forgiveness, is tempered by if the person who injured you asks for forgiveness, or if they don't. If they did not ask for Rating: 5

[BlueBlazer]

I don't agree that trust and forgiveness must be wedded in order for forgiveness to be real. I can forgive someone for a wrong (and be over it in my heart), but still be realistic about: 1 - The sincerity of that person, and 2 - Past examples of cyclical behavior.

In a way you could say that form of forgiveness is only good for myself. Well, I'm only the captain of my own ship.

[ngtybear]

Wow pepurr. Great post and great question.

I would go as far as saying the are not directly related. For example, there are those I trust which I have never had to forgive.

I once forgave someone very close to me for some unmentionable acts. Life changing actions which they committed with selfish intent which hurt both my life and the life of my children. However, my trust in them (or lack there of) is not directly tied to my decision to forgive. My trust they will have to once again earn, in the event they would so chose, which to date they have not.

Reconciliation is a multi-step process of which both forgiveness and trust are part.