Hell of a picture painted. I feel ya man. Bi-polar disorder runs in my family and ended up pretty much killing my mother and grandfather. Both were severely afflicted and ended up subduing to other illnesses, but both were completely different people once they got their meds " right. " My grandfather ended up going off the deep end because of his extreme manic side, and my mom turned into a zombie who eventually gave up . I was diagnosed bi-polar when I was 19 and have been using cannabis regularly since. In the 6 years since I was diagnosed, I took everything from Ativan, resperidol, klonepan, wellbutrin, paxil, prozac.....you name it, and NOTHING made me feel normal like the sweet leaf did. It slows my mind down so that I can actually process things instead of thinking a mile a minute and driving myself to a panic attack. It helps my appetite when I get depressed and dont feel like eating. It helps my nausea and pain........Marijuana saved my life