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I felt more at ease with my depression and better well suited to be "normal." Anyway, I threw away my life in place for normalcy and a sense of belonging. I was happier in my mind, but soon I was dissatisfied with where i was going, along with my family as well.
I was self-destructive in every way, but I couldnt help it. I didnt find the balance I needed, the moderation. So, everything has been blamed on cannabis use, not the fact I havent been treated accordingly.
I recently found out I had been living with this mental illness and soon I will be trying the meds that will be required. Im uncertain, but willing to try them and give it a shot. All that Ive read is that these meds take time, months to kick in and even then tweaking/changing of the meds could be required for the specific individual.
I guess the point of this post is to inquire about my options. I live in a non-mmj state and do not have the resources to grow my own specific strains. In the past, I have had great success feeling happy and productive with Indica strains. As the sativas have made my anxiety worse and I would lock myself up in the house (very unproductive). So, I cant know specifically what weed I would be getting if I decided to try it again. Ive been clean for a week, i know its not much, but the difference has been minimal to me except ive felt more depressed and my symptoms worse.

So... I dont know what to do and Im going to wait until after I try the meds before I take furthur recourse. Is there any advice or other options im missing? Thank you for your time.