While I am something of a hippy stoner in private, in public people can't tell. I don't act or talk like your stereotypical hippy stoner, and I usually wear polo shirts and jeans so my attire doesn't really give it away either. The only clue is my hair. I know very well that short is what's in hairwise, but I've never been the kind of guy who changes his physical appearance just to conform to the newest standard of cool (which is admittedly probably part of my problem, but I don't want a woman who only wants me because I look cool enough and besides I have had girls compliment me on my hair before).

Let me clarify my problem a little bit. I was the shy, smart, dorky kid all through elementary, middle and high school. I would never talk to anyone who hadn't said anything to me first and the other kids never really showed much interest in me. I had a few friends in elementary and middle school, but some of them moved away and I sort of drifted apart from the rest. In high school there were a few people I talked to more often than the rest but nobody who I would have actually considered a friend.

Of course, with my social life bombing like that, I never dated, never kissed, never did anything like that. I thought everything would change once I could get away from the jerks in my tiny town and started anew, but it didn't. Almost two years into college and I still don't have a single friend here. Again, there are people I talk to and feel obliged to say hi to when I see them, but they're not really my friends since I never see them outside of class. And some of them are even girls, but of course they all have boyfriends.

I've determined that the reason for this is that I don't find myself in a lot of social situations. I don't have any friends because I don't hang out with people, and I don't hang out with people because I don't have any friends. Of course, this must also be the reason I'm not meeting girls. I don't know where to end the cycle. I'm stuck on campus because I don't have a car, and there's no good way to meet people here. They say to join a club but they all look uninteresting to me and I can't even join most of them because the majority are for specialized social groups and I'm a white, heterosexual, non-religious male. Other people tell me to go to parties, but even if I knew where they were on this campus (and it would be difficult to throw one here considering the tiny rooms we have), I still don't know how to handle girls. I mean, I can have a conversation with them and be myself and not freak out and all that, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to get past that. I just can't conceive of a possible way to steer a conversation in that direction. I can talk to girls, joke with girls, be myself, and all that, but that's about it. Every time I've been myself with a woman I've liked, she's never made the first move and I've always been clueless as to how and when.

And even in the crazy scenario that I can develop any sort of relationship beyond friendship with someone, how long is she really gonna keep me? I'm years behind the competition. I have zero experience kissing, dating, being romantic, or anything like that. I'm more than a little eccentric and most of my interests are pretty esoteric, not exactly the kinds of things I think a lot of women have in common with me. And to top it all off, I'm just not that attractive. I just don't see too much hope for me in the near future.

By the way, here's that picture of me...I'd take a better picture of me but I'm too lazy at the moment.