i cant help but wonder how many times one person can screw things up and have so much shit happen year in year out before they cant beat it any more. how many times can i go through this before i lose? no matter what i do or how hard i try it just never seems to get better long enough to relax for a while is that really so much to want out of life it's not like i expect life to be perfect all the time but to feel settled once and a while to not have major problems lingering over me every month to have a little time to enjoy the small things again without having big things to worry about. is it really that unrealistic? can i ever actually achieve it?