This is one of those situations where absolutely no one is going to be able to give you advice because of how fucked up everything is. Like seriously what do you want us to say, that everything is going to be alright? Think positive? I'm sure you're past all that, so I really don't know what to tell you. Besides smoke more weed. And don't you even think about turning to alcohol or drugs. I'll fly across the ocean and punch you square in the face if you do.