Ever been burnt and still depressed?

[looseends]

first of all i'm a she...and yes i feel a bit better now that it's here. now just have to fill it up with some brewskies and get me some more ha-ha...

[ParadiseLife]

reefer ur dp is so cute
and you just let it pass somthing will brighten your life sooner or later(drugz)

[Gothen]

About 2 months ago, smoking weed made me feel like shit, emotionally. It was usually on days when my friends were working and since Brenda won't let me get my license, I had to smoke by myself. I'd smoke and then think, "What the hell am I doing to myself? Why do I do this?" And then I'd have a terribly depresing high.

But, that feeling went away really quick.

Now, I'm depressed for an entirely different reason. My ex-mom called the cops on me, so today we went to see the probation officer, I'm being charged with battery for holding her wrists for 30 seconds, and reckless possession of paraphrenalia. They're also going to bring up in court this alcohol I had (2 closed bottles of Bud Light, one open and half gone).

At the least, I'm being put on probation for 6 months (the woman said there's a good chance of me being on probation until I'm 18, 8 months away). I'm going to get randomly drug screened, curfew, I have to get at least a C in all my classes (which is easy for everything but math). Oh, and I'm literally grounded until I'm 18. Brenda won't let me leave unless its for school, she's shut off the phone, cancelling the internet, cancelled cable, took away my gaming systems, and thinking about taking away the DVD player.OH, ha, she also took away all but the books I have in my backpack. When she cancels net, I'll at least have my music, but if she's serious, she's going to take that away, as well. My CD player is broken, so I'll have nothing. I'll have my room with my clothes and posters.

Now, I understand the parents out there going, "Its your mother's house, you have to respect her rules." But, would you said parents go as far as my parent? I have next to nothing now, and soon I WILL have nothing. Nothing to do, no one to talk to, nothing to take my mind away from this.

This is the first time I've seriously contemplated suicide since I started smoking, almost a year ago. Since I started smoking, I've loved life and I've even said on these boards that everyday alive is a good day.

But, with as little interaction with people I'm going to have for the next 8 months, I seriously don't want to live anymore. Just writing this makes me want to cry. To turn off the lights to sit in my dark room with no sounds and cry until I sleep.

For now, looseends said, I have you guys, but...I'm not even going to have you guys to talk to pretty soon.

It's as she said, I just want to crawl into a corner and cease to exist. Now, I pray for death....

[Gothen]

Sorry for double posting, but just thought of this....(tried to edit, was out of time...)


I also don't have any more money coming my way because I used to get 15 bucks lunch money, but she doesn't even give me that now. I take my lunch or I don't eat. I have good friends who are willing to spot me a jay every once in a great while, but I feel terrible asking, "Hey....I don't have any money, but I was wondering if I could bum some weed off you." Most everyone would be willing to give me a joint, but I'm not gonna be THAT person. The person that just bums weed off people.

[Not Enough Herb]

^ dude man what ur going thru is mad gay

dude im blazing a bowl for u tonight my brother....dont kill urself ull get thru it and everything will b better then it was b4..suicide is never the answer i no ive been down that road way to many times

hang in there man...goodluck

dont let her bring u down

later

[Buck268]

Sorry to hear about your troubles looseends. I'm not a Dr. or anything I'm just another dumb speck but sometimes when lifes got me down smoaking makes me feel even worse. Yeah I know...that can't be possible! but it's true at leist for me anyway. I think you have to be careful not to smoke yourself into a hole thats to dark or to deep...I don't know just my thoughts on the matter.

Abso-fucking-lutely. Same here man...