How fucked up am i?

[Kurupt3Z3]

Hey im a 16 year old male (currently blazed off my ass) and i think im going crazy. I've been smoking weed almost everyday for the past year and i've done many other drugs along the way, way more than i ever expected to. In the past year i've done xanax a few times, salvia 10x alot, acid once, shrooms twice (no hallucinations, just a horrible mind fuck), DXM twice, X twice, a few painkillers, and of course alcohol on occasion. When i first started smoking weed i never thought i was going to try anything else, but as i started to read more and more about drugs I became more aware of all the lies surrounding them. I only try drugs that i research on erowid.com and decide are safe enough to try. Well anyways, lately i've been thinking alot about life and i've come to the conclusion that it is completley meaningless. I believe in the big bang, evolution, ect.. and i consider myseklf a rationalist. The problem is that i dont want to be this way anymore. I want to be like everyone else and see a purpose in life and enjoy every moment of it but I cant. No matter how much I tell myself that life is meaningful, its like im stuck in this mindset and can't get out of it. I dont care about school anymore, i dont really care about my family anymore, i dont care about my own life anymore, or anything for that matter. I love my family, and i want them to be happy, but being in this mindset has caused me to lose value in everything i once held dear. I used to care about school, and making my family proud, but now all i care about is my own confusion about reality. I dont know if im depressed, as i dont feel sad, i just feel empty, less creative, emotionless, and bored with everything. I take 100mg of zoloft everyday but it doesnt seem to help. Its really hard to have to wake up and go to school everyday when i think its all meaningless. All i want to do is sit aroudn and smoke weed and enjoy my life, instead of actually working to achieve something that will eventually be non-existant. Nothing in my life seems real anymore, i am just an observer. Does anyone else feel like this? Could it be the drugs that are doing this to me? (the last time i did anything other than weed was about a month and a half ago-shrooms and; but i still feel this way) I really would like to just stick to weed from now on and see if that helps anything. well sorry for writing so much and thanks for reading. PEACE

Kurupt3Z3 Reviewed by Kurupt3Z3 on 03-17-2005. How fucked up am i? Hey im a 16 year old male (currently blazed off my ass) and i think im going crazy. I've been smoking weed almost everyday for the past year and i've done many other drugs along the way, way more than i ever expected to. In the past year i've done xanax a few times, salvia 10x alot, acid once, shrooms twice (no hallucinations, just a horrible mind fuck), DXM twice, X twice, a few painkillers, and of course alcohol on occasion. When i first started smoking weed i never thought i was going to Rating: 5

[weedarasta]

you are going to hate me for this!!! so only read this if you are ready!!
My friend, although I am a pot head, I also have a really great education, if it wasnt for that and my family, I would have be fucked.

This is the drugs that is doing this to you, Im sorry, you might all think that Im a looser for saying this, but come onnnnnnnnnnn, youre not gonna live with your parents forever and trust me, you do want to have that papper from that certain school!! It might not mean anything to you now, but it will help you soooooo much later. Soooo much!!

I feel like an older sister, youve gotta trust me, what you have to do is to change those friends of yours that got you into this, change your attitude and start thinking like an adult!!!

you will have so much time to have fun, you want to be a president of a company and smoke pot and not a looser on the street that smokes pot!!!

Although I am a pot head, I am also the owner of a very well known marketing company!

cheers
dont take my messeage forgranted,

Much love
weedarasta

[DarkFire]

YUP, its the weed my friend. i feel the same way, but not to your extent... yet. ever since i started smoking weed more, ive been thinking about life and my actions almost reflect it. it can really suck, i dont know how long this will last, but i think that if we just hold on a little longer and get out of school AND college, our lives will be much more meaningful and important to us.

[Not Enough Herb]

kurupt man we must share brains i feel exactly like u man. nothing matters to me anymore i feel like a robot with no emotions....im always sad but id ont get sad over things i used to likke ppl dieing or relationships ending

i honestly think its the dxm that does this

but i wont stop doing it

later

[weedarasta]

dont be saad or Ill cry =0(, Im serious, just dont smoke if you feel that way, have a bit of respect for yourself!!

you want to get high and feel good, not get high just cuz its there, available!! be good to you!! you are all you have!

[NowhereMan]

i think your just waking up to a state of awareness that life aint nintendo games and smoke sessions

what your thinking shows that your aware that drugs can mess u up if you let it
so dont let it,dont forget it

just becuase ya friends do xanax dont me u got to
i use them,to sleep,not to get high,least not now
i used to do alot of drugs,id over medicate myself just to put my mind in neutral
it took a long time for me to not to do so,cuase doctors would write out Rx's for me and send me away,
now i medicate me as needed,and only do pills when absolutely needed to stop pian or get some sleep when weed wont relax me.
just dont get cuaght up in the "im the highest mofo here shit'
and you should be ok,cuase at least you think about it
peace

[poorman3]

where the hell you been Nowhereman?

[OreO]

Nah man dont worry...like what he just said above me...u are starting to mature and starting to realize that life isnt about smoking weed and chilling with your friends, reality just smacked u right in the face...i was like u 2 years ago when i was 16...i was depressed tho...and only smoked weed...i dropped out of highschool even. The only ways i got through the day was knowing i still had some herb too smoke...man it was BAD. But one day i snapped out of it and realized you cant let weed take over your life(in ur case other drugs)...try to get your prorities straight and have weed on the side but make sure you are succeeding and not failing and smoking, I turned it around got My GED went straight to community college and my parents are proud of me for not being a bum. Now im persuing the career as a music producer and i get a natural high off that its great and weed is jus something to do...instead of somthing i need to do to get by...i hope that made sense im pretty smacked

but hey jus cause it sucks now, it will get better. Sooner or later you r gonna realize what u wanna do in life and what makes you happy without herb/drugs, Just be positive and positive things will happen, dont be negative or it will bring u down


trust me i went through some bad ass depression with NO pills to help

just me myself and i.....and a fat sack-nojoke

[the happy chappie]

leave the drugs alone mate, even leave the weed alone for a bit, say a month or two, your body will react and you will see things more clearly, then when you smoke the weed again you will appricate why you smoked it in the first place, i am a total pot head, and every now and then i leave it alone for a month to gather what is reality, this allows my tollerences to weed to drop and i find myself once again enjoying a week joint instead of the fattys that i was rolling, there is a big difference in getting high and getting stoned, if ya must keep smoking then change ya dealer or strain, smoke a sativa your less likely to get wrecked on them, most indicas are serious stoners, and it seems to me that your compleately stoned, just detox yourself for a while and you will be fine, peace and happyness to you

[Rarrr]

I too have only recently became aware of everything around me and im finding it hard as everything around me is so depressing. Im having so much trouble sleeping cos life means nothing to me now. At the moment im studying and hav a part time job. Being busy keeps my mind off the more important things that make me depressed. Im still depressed and constantly anxious. Reading spiritual books may sound lame but does help plus it uses time that you may usually use pondering the inevitablities of life. I dont know whether youll get over this feeling bcos im still going through it myself. I recently had a 6 week break off all drugs and although it helps a little i dont see any great benefits. Keep smokin weed if you want and get off the rest of the stuff ur on bcos it wouldnt be helping. Time may be the answer as over time your mind might figure out ways of coping with this new way of thinking. This may not be helpful but i thought id add a comment bcos what you're suffering is very similar to what im going through. Good luck Hope all goes well