Dude, I meant all that in a good way. I know there will allways be others that have it worse, even I can see that. Worse is a state of mind, you may have it worse than me. Sorry man LOVE is a bitch. I lost my true love once and got her back. I was only just told by my lets see over 30 years together soul mate that I ruined her whole life. It didn't just happen when my troubles started or my health going bad just a few years ago. Had a heart attack, not real bad just need to lose some weight I gained from stopping cig's. I mean her whole life. I thought we had some real good times. But you know that's when my smoking bud's were still alive or at least around and could smoke. When I smoke by myself I toke tooooo much and toooo many times a day. Then I'm just sitting here blasted up with no concerts ( oh how I used to love a good smoke and a concert ) or good movies or even a job to go to. I love to work. I work residential construction. If I were not in debt I would have my contractors licience by now. LOL. Concerts, man I have seen some of the immortal bands of all time. The only ones I missed as whole bands were Led Zepplin and the WHO. I got some willd pic's of VanHalen's last tour with David Lee Roth.

I do not want to die but I believe in an Eastern mind set, much as a Samuria. I dishonored my family, for that there is only one thing. Leave forever or die. Same thing. I can only live in shame now.

I am now starting to study the Tibetan book of the dead. Very interesting, I may need it. LOL.

I know how it is being shy. I am too. I don't make friends easy, it can take years. When I meditate and let it all go is when I find what I wasn't looking for. If you know what I mean.

Just realize that the universe is a screwed up place and life is not fair. Some get alot more fairness than others.

Hell you have made a friend here. I would stop by and puff puff if I could find you. Keep you from smoking tooo much. Let the good times roll and happy trails.

Buddha once sat before a wall and when he arose he was enlightened. I do not compair myself to Buddha. Only the wall.

It's like having to put your wiener on the table and having the whole world say, HEY!! that looks like a wiener only smaller. "The Guru Pitka"