Thank you so much for your responses! You can't have any idea of how nice it was to wake up this morning and read such prositive, helpful posts!

I do see my awesome theraist twice weekly-and I have an excellent psychiatrist. I am very blessed in that respect...because good docs and therapists aren't easy to find. Believe me, I've been through dozens of them.
I totally keep track of my meds-I've been at this so long that it's second nature to me.

My therapist knows I have smoked to try to get some sort of relief when the panic brick hits me-no fingers pointed, no lectures, and no "don't do that." Her first suggestion? Go to the doctor and get a card so you don't get into trouble.

I have been through many years of behavior modification/cognitive therapy, outpatient daily hospitalization/therapy, inpatient, etc. etc.

This is a daily (and sometimes hourly) battle just as with any other illness, as others in my predicament well know.

Hash. Now that is something I haven't seen (or even thought of in years)but if memory serves me correctly, it used to make me feel really relaxed and calm. Do the dispenseries have hash too? And if so, which types are better choices?

What an incredible gift, to have people who truly understand to comapare notes with!!