I see many traits in you that I see in myself. Infact, you listed many of the problems that I am going through currently. The only thing that keeps me interested in life is my desire to learn, discover, and master everything that I find appealing or remotely interesting. What I recommend to you, brother, is picking up the hobby of growing. Grow anything you want, but aim to excel. However, depending on your background, this may prove counter-productive for you. For me, I come from a family, and general region, where true luxury is hard to find. Basically, I grew up with nothing, so no matter what I end up with, I'm happy...er. I love to keep tabs on cannabis gardens and find ways to improve their efficiency. I also do many other things.


Oh shit, I rambled. Anyhow, you mention anti-anxiety drugs. These alone have the potential to damage your mind. It's very hard to explain, but I have experienced this also. For people like you an I, we must, at any cost, stay away from such drugs, like <Edited out, sounds like the last letter>, as they are extremely dangerous to our psych. I recall experiementing with it, only to have, after the effects worn off, fits of extreme rage and cases of severe depression (seriously contemplated suicide, but I reasoned with myself and concluded that that solution was not logical. Not everyone can do this, atleast, I don't think everyone can... This is where I see that kind of "Superior Thinking" phenomena)


If you are anything like me, you actually are depressed; but it isn't your fault at all. You are simply an intelligent being, one such that instantly recognizes the fault of any situation. "Nature&Nurture" play a role here, as you describe an emotionally traumatic childhood. Of course, divorce is common, but these psychological effects could have a bigger impact on the mind of an intellectual, especially at young age. That could have paved the way for the rest of your life. But, like real pavement, demolition is possible, and so is paving for a healthier mindset, but it does take time.


I, in no way, imply I am a professional, I'm just providing my personal insight because you describe very similar perspectives as I. We share very similar life experiences, also. Change IS possible, however, I recommend finding someone to talk to, on an intellectual connection. If noone in your life is capable of connecting with you like this, I recommend a therapist, as a professional one is actually rather sincere, and usually intelligent.


Good luck. And you don't have to lurk, your activity here would be much appreciated!


(PS: To everyone else, I'm not trying to degrade anyone's smarts, I'm just saying that there are many people who have a MUCH greater depth perception of reality, you know?)


<Edit: Decided to take the name out, in line with forum rules. Don't want to offend them, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about regardless...>