:wtfont read this if you dont want a buzz kill.

As the title suggest, im majorly depressed. Obviously, Im specifically sick of my life. Dont worry though, even though ive had suicidal thoughts I dont anymore and would never have acted out upon them. I care too much about the effects it would have on my family. Im 18 and currently living with my grandparents and dont do shit. I look forward to the future, but I still imagine once it arrives ill still have depression.
I guess ive been depressed since I was young, probably 6th grade. My parents went through an ugly divorce and continued to be very ugly throughout my childhood. In and out of court all the time. I dont hold that accountable for any of my behavior, but only trying to give insight. I feel jaded and day in out is really grey and dull. I laugh and have generic conversations, like anyone would, but I find it real hard to appeal to people and get responses I want. I know I am attractive and funny, but I especially have problems connecting to women. I know how to, but I think its bullshit and even though I know how to be a "player" I dont. Its fake and it sickens me when I would be at a party and see that behavior.
I think Im psychotic and have different personalities. I dont think anyone here is qualifed to give that diagnosis, but when I think of things I go through several modes of thought and have severe anxiety when I give a response on how one would respond. I really dont give a damn about what anyone says, but I still get nervous. Its wierd as fuck and the only time in my life when I havent though like that was when I abused anxiety meds and eventually got hooked. I also feel superior to most. I dont think my attitude indicates that though. I know im not the smartest person, but I feel I have some higher level of thinking. However, Im not a great inventionist, handyman, or scientist. I dont know where in the hell I got those criteria from and wrote this sentence to show you how i constantly second guess myself. When I freewrite I see my psychotic behavior most. Anyway back from my digression, my problem and math solving skills have always been good, i always win thinking games, I have an uncanny ability track the time down to the second, and pretty damn good at chess. All these wierd talents that have nothing to do with anything.
I dont even know how I got the balls to write something, so revealing about myself, but I want someone elses opinion. Sorry if it was boring, I just know I need some help. Goin to smoke an l as I havent for a week and its killing me.
zihowie Reviewed by zihowie on . Sick of life :wtf:Dont read this if you dont want a buzz kill. As the title suggest, im majorly depressed. Obviously, Im specifically sick of my life. Dont worry though, even though ive had suicidal thoughts I dont anymore and would never have acted out upon them. I care too much about the effects it would have on my family. Im 18 and currently living with my grandparents and dont do shit. I look forward to the future, but I still imagine once it arrives ill still have depression. I guess ive been Rating: 5