"Having said that, look to you own social class. If you are the geek then befriend the other geek. If you are a metalhead, then hang with other metalheads. It's not rocket science. If you are in between cliques, like rocker/nerd/jock then don't show any interest in either group and start your own caste. Look disinterested and don't be too eager to be everyone's friend right away. People will gravitate towards you and start up conversations. Especially girls."

F*CK it's been a roller coaster!

You hit the nail on the head, man. I've been trying this since late last semester, but it has yet to work. I have a girlfriend, one other person I talk to, and the people on this board who probably don't know me from Adam's house cat... so the saying goes.

What is it about not having ANYONE to confide in, no one that you can have a hearty conversation with... someone that EXCITES you, your brain, EVERYTHING that does you in?

I don't let myself have friends. I am an asshole. Kind of a self realization going on now, so please don't flame. I regret to inform that I AM judgmental, but feel justified due to things beyond my control. I can't "buddy up" with a person that NEVER tries to do assignments for COLLEGE. I can't befriend somebody that only wants me to help them... it seems as-if I let my only TRUE friend go, but that's a novel in-and-of itself. She is happy; I am happy for her.

I can't get it out of my head, though. The ONE person that I could tell ANYTHING to, the ONE person I took 20 hour road trips with, the ONE person that I trusted to drive 5 hours to Nashville after eating 6 grams of GRADE A hash.... is gone from my life.

She did nothing wrong. It was I that was the problem...

Now I feel stuck in a relationship because of all we have been through, yet cannot have a conversation about ANYTHING except dinner!! I'm enraged with myself for allowing myself to be like this!!!! Be sure to read my new book, "Fear and Self-Loathing in Las Vegas." Ha... I wish I could sell a book.

Tried the whole "you create your own reality" business. It got shut down.

Seriously though... is there any way we may be able to have a deep conversation where I might be able to get ALL of EVERYTHING off my chest and not be committed?