still lonesome...

[overgrowthegovt]

I can identify, to a degree.

I do have friendships, but most of them are fairly shallow because I seem to operate on a deeper level than most of the other parties....I feel depressed on a regular basis, I'm a virgin and it's been over a year since I've made out with anybody, etc. The last point is pretty fucked up because, now I warn you this is going to sound arrogant but I don't mean it as such, I'm often hailed as one of the best-looking guys around, and I have a lot of wit and charm that helps me make friends or at least acquiantances fairly easily...but for some reason it just hasn't been flying with women for the past year.

To everyone who just tells this guy to shut up and get over it, that doesn't help. I've told myself that thousands of times--nothing will work until he gets some deeper human contact or laid or whatever. I've personally been writing poetry for a few years now, to maintain my precarious sanity. Finding some outlet will help you find life bearable, if still unpleasant.

[THClord]

I can't say I can identify with you completely, but I had a stage where I became disillusioned in a lot of my friends. All they wanted was to climb social ladders, and wouldn't give a shit for you after you had no "use". Meanwhile I grew distant from my friends who were genuine. I had no luck with the ladies. And I started to always think about my outlook.

I decided to tackle the issue with ladies. All I really needed was to loose my braces, get some new clothes and some self-confidence. As my confidence grew I got better and better, and now I have no problem at all.

Since then I hang out with different friends, who are much better friends.


I was also one you would call a 'deeper' person. But I learned to live in the moment. Living in the moment is much much more rewarding. It's the way to get girls, makes you a fun person, and is fun in it's self. Even if you're a deep person, you should still be able to have fun at parties and really anywhere. Just try to not further your outlook, but pursue what really interests you. Don't be ashamed if you find something amusing noone else notices. The smile on your face noone gets is often the smile that will get you the most attention.

[KindMidasSoundman]

I know exactly what you went through. It took a relationship gone wrong for me to realize what was wrong with my current outlook on life. I was constantly looking for happiness outside myself. I was looking for happiness through the comfort of friends or through relationships; yet everything disappointed me.

People disappointed me and I was convinced that people would always let you down. I would do things for people and go out of my way to be nice and I never felt appreciated. The same would hold true for my relationships. If I didn't get the response I was expecting from the other person involved I would become very depressed.. convinced that either I didn't fit in or that the world was a horrible miserable place.

Someone then told me the obvious. Do not have expectations. I didn't understand until 1-2 years later; but after much self reflection it totally made sense. My disappointment in people, the world and all my relationships had nothing to do with other people. My disappointment and unhappiness had to do with my expectations of what 'should be'.

When you expect someone to respond to you a certain way.. when you expect someone to understand your point of view, when you expect someone to love you back then you set yourself up for sadness. The only expectation you should ever have is of yourself. When you can find happiness in yourself and let go of your expectations of others then things become much easier.

When I do things for people now I do it out of genuinity and do not expect them to say thank you or seem appreciative. The fact that I wanted to do it is enough satisfaction for me. Knowing I was able to help this person is enough. When someone doesn't understand my point of view, and this one is a hard one but ultimatley, I let it go and accept that we are just different people and I try to learn more about people from the conflict/contrast. When I do not receive the response I'm hoping for from my significant other I don't mind, I let it go and accept that she may think differently or express her love, appreciation, comfort etc etc differently from me.. therefore what I perceive to be a lack of caring is within myself and not within the others.

All the unhappiness we feel in this world stems from ourselves. No one can MAKE you unhappy. Only you can make yourself unhappy but at the same time only YOU can make yourself happy/content.

Knowing this I have been able to let go of the attachment to reciprocation or expectations and focus on myself. I've realized *I* am a good person. I've realized *I* am pretty funny. I've realized *I* am attractive.. I've realized *I* genuinely care.. I've realized that I an intelligent and knowledgable.. and I've realized that no one else is me; therefore I shouldn't hold them up to my same standards or expect them to act as I would.

Since then I've found happiness in myself.. With this lack of attachment and happiness within myself I've also found happiness in life.

I am not sure if anything I said has made sense or if you can understand it. It took me a few years to grasp this concept but once I did I have never been happier.

Do not look elsewhere to be content just realize that nothing and no one will be like you and expecting someone or society to act as you do will only lead to sadness and disappointment; but if you let go of this then you can see things for what they really are.

Everything, everyone and every social group/society is different. If you happen to find someone similar to you then find joy in that you have a kindred spirit in life but also find joy in that everyone is different.

Let go of expectations.


ps: your anxiety and depression could be legit, but before you do something drastic I suggest you take a strong look at yourself and ask yourself if you feel the way you do because it's your outlook or if things are REALLY the way you perceive them.

ie: if you feel like everyone hates you then do they? Are they walking past you on a daily basis telling you you're worthless or do you just FEEL that they hate you?

I've noticed something since my change. People directly reflect back the mood and persona which you put out; however they can sense the difference between being genuine and not. Look inside yourself for the answers.

pss: I'm not high. I've actually been dead sober for almost 2 months now (wish i had some weed though.. lol)

:clap::clap::clap: ostgood: :clap::clap::clap:

Thank you so much. I think we all need to keep this theory in perspective, Myself especially.

Again, thank you
:thumbsup::jointsmile::thumbsup:

[Perp]

As someone who can't help but make friends, I have to say that it's not all that it's cracked up to be. Most of the time they are friends when they want something off of you but not the other way around. Get yourself one or two close buddies and that's all you need.

Having said that, look to you own social class. If you are the geek then befriend the other geek. If you are a metalhead, then hang with other metalheads. It's not rocket science. If you are in between cliques, like rocker/nerd/jock then don't show any interest in either group and start your own caste. Look disinterested and don't be too eager to be everyone's friend right away. People will gravitate towards you and start up conversations. Especially girls.

Good Luck..:thumbsup:

[jdez87]

do you have any hobbies? maybe take up a sport, like golf, tennis, raquetball, it sounds like you need to release some stuff, when I need a release i just run. Some thing about concentrating on my breathing allows me to just focus on that and only that, and when I'm done my clear head puts alot into perspective.

[thefrenchman]

I was also one you would call a 'deeper' person. But I learned to live in the moment. Living in the moment is much much more rewarding. It's the way to get girls, makes you a fun person, and is fun in it's self. Even if you're a deep person, you should still be able to have fun at parties and really anywhere. Just try to not further your outlook, but pursue what really interests you. Don't be ashamed if you find something amusing noone else notices. The smile on your face noone gets is often the smile that will get you the most attention.

Replace 'deeper' by "of different interests" in your case. There's no reason you cant be a different person when your in public and when your alone.
If you try to enjoy the simple act of being around people and having a good time, what ever your personal interests may be, you'll probably find yourself having a good time.

[NoDrugs4Me]

"Having said that, look to you own social class. If you are the geek then befriend the other geek. If you are a metalhead, then hang with other metalheads. It's not rocket science. If you are in between cliques, like rocker/nerd/jock then don't show any interest in either group and start your own caste. Look disinterested and don't be too eager to be everyone's friend right away. People will gravitate towards you and start up conversations. Especially girls."

F*CK it's been a roller coaster!

You hit the nail on the head, man. I've been trying this since late last semester, but it has yet to work. I have a girlfriend, one other person I talk to, and the people on this board who probably don't know me from Adam's house cat... so the saying goes.

What is it about not having ANYONE to confide in, no one that you can have a hearty conversation with... someone that EXCITES you, your brain, EVERYTHING that does you in?

I don't let myself have friends. I am an asshole. Kind of a self realization going on now, so please don't flame. I regret to inform that I AM judgmental, but feel justified due to things beyond my control. I can't "buddy up" with a person that NEVER tries to do assignments for COLLEGE. I can't befriend somebody that only wants me to help them... it seems as-if I let my only TRUE friend go, but that's a novel in-and-of itself. She is happy; I am happy for her.

I can't get it out of my head, though. The ONE person that I could tell ANYTHING to, the ONE person I took 20 hour road trips with, the ONE person that I trusted to drive 5 hours to Nashville after eating 6 grams of GRADE A hash.... is gone from my life.

She did nothing wrong. It was I that was the problem...

Now I feel stuck in a relationship because of all we have been through, yet cannot have a conversation about ANYTHING except dinner!! I'm enraged with myself for allowing myself to be like this!!!! Be sure to read my new book, "Fear and Self-Loathing in Las Vegas." Ha... I wish I could sell a book.

Tried the whole "you create your own reality" business. It got shut down.

Seriously though... is there any way we may be able to have a deep conversation where I might be able to get ALL of EVERYTHING off my chest and not be committed?

[Trip06]

No, at the end of the day your still alone and fucked. Might as well forget that shit, get high and go to the pet store.

[Spoken Word]

Just try it. Remember, most of us are in the same boat. Simply roaming these seas....looking for home base. lol even all these stuck up bitches, they're scared shitless too.

Don't let other humans get the best of you. Keep your head up, achieve your dreams.. live your life.

[LazySmoking420]

NGFM, "is a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell him that's all going to pass â?¦ but I don't want to lie to him."

From the Movie, American Beauty