I suppose another aspect of what attracted me to her are her beautiful eyes, nice rack, and other features. I never really looked at her much though, after hearing and trying to apply an over-zealous interpretation of Matthew 5:27. That's the Bible verse where Jesus says:

"You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart."

Nevermind that Jesus was talking about married, totally monogamous people there... this pastor I had applied that to single people and convinced us we were doing wrong if we even looked at each other "sexually."

That is so fucking stupid and wrong, but even more stupid is the fact that I bought it hook line and sinker. I asked this girl to marry me not knowing her at all sexually and barely knowing her personally (we dated for 4 months and were engaged just as long). That was extremely fool-hardy of me, but I did it. That's why I say I can't help but feel responsible for creating this mess, so I don't want to ruin her life by leaving her and just make the mess I've made even worse.

At some point I might be making it worse for her (by making her so uncomfortable with my lifestyle) then if I just left. But I guess I'm going to leave it to her to make that decision. That is just a hard call for me to make. I want to do good to her, not evil, and I want to put her needs above my own. Right now, for me, that means not leaving her if she doesn't want me to. I'm going to try to do what I can on my end to make this work and to love her while being true to myself.

Thanks for all your advice, every one of you. All your perspectives are well taken. I'm sure I'll get better advice here then from my former pastor, that's for damn sure. :rasta: