Told My Wife Yesterday That I Burn

[jsn9333]

(Quick Background, for those of you who missed a post of mine earlier in the year: My wife and I were both "born and raised ultra-conservatives" who got married a couple years ago. We didn't sleep with each other before getting married, and have experienced a whole lot of sexual, intimacy, and emotional incompatibility. We make good friends, but horrible lovers. It's just been fucked up. But anyway, I subsequently became a bit more liberal and started to smoke pot, without telling her since I didn't need do deal with her shit. I initially started as a means to escape some of the problems were were having. I have since realized that cannabis should by no means be illegal, etc. and have decided I need to be 100% honest with her.)

Anyway. I told her yesterday that I have started smoking/vaporizing sometimes on the weekends and that it is going to be a permanent lifestyle change. She flipped out. She started hyperventilating, and went and sat near my corner of our bedroom where I keep my .357 Magnum handgun. She wouldn't respond to anything I said to try to calm her down, she just stared into nowhere hyperventilating. At one point she threw up, which I was able to catch in my shirt. She then went and talked about how she wanted to "go to sleep" and tried to take like 20 Tylenol PM. I didn't buy it, and didn't try to stop her. She acted like she threw up the second she put them in her mouth and spit them all in the sink. I think it was all an act to get me to promise not to smoke in order to stop her. But who knows.

Anyway, she told me to get out of the house. I told her I'd be happy to. Then as I was packing my things and getting ready to call the cops (for fear she'd destroy some of my more expensive things while I was at my car) and she stopped me and started talking again. She kept asking me to promise not to smoke again and crying and shit. I told her I wasn't going to do that.

She told me it upset her that I'd be happy to leave. I told her I find my happiness in God, not in her or anyone else. I told her I'd rather not leave, but if I have to then I'd find peace in that. I told her maybe she wouldn't be so miserable if she pursued her relationship with God more. (She hasn't prayed in a long time, I guess she is sort of like one of those nominal Christians who just go to church and try to be good and think that is all that is involved in a relationship with God). I asked her if she'd ever prayed about if marijuana is evil or bad, asking for God to help bring her to the right conclusion (through study, or the Bible, or whatever). She said no. I said maybe she should do that instead of just listening to what dumb-ass pastors say about it, and she agreed. I guess I didn't marry a *complete* idiot.

We then had a talk about why it isn't such a bad drug, and how my using it would be no different then how I responsibly drink beer or wine or whatever now and again. Actually, it would be even less "dangerous" then alcohol. She said she doesn't think anything should be used to escape reality, and that especially since it is illegal it should just be avoided. I told her the laws are bullshit and that this country has a long history of horrible laws.

I also told her that the fucking TV she watches all fucking evening every night is as much or more of an "escape from reality" as any drug I use. I hate that thing, and I always ask her to turn it off and she never does. So finally, just to end the bullshit since I was hungry and emotionally drained and just wanted to go eat lunch in peace, I agreed that we would talk more about it in the coming days. I agreed that I wouldn't smoke any pot for the time being as long as she didn't watch any TV, and we would talk more about it.

I am not going to give in to her on this issue... so we'll see how it goes. Honestly, I would've divorced her a year ago except I strongly believe in the commitments two people make with each other at the altar. The way I see it, I asked her to marry me and I agreed to not have sex before we were married... so I am responsible for this and I just have to own up to the situation I put myself in. To women like her, divorce is worse then killing them... and I just don't think I can do that to her given my responsibility in creating the situation we're in.

So... we'll see how this works out. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers (if you are a believer in a Higher Being) or feel free to give advice, etc.

best,
jsn9333

jsn9333 Reviewed by jsn9333 on 09-29-2008. Told My Wife Yesterday That I Burn (Quick Background, for those of you who missed a post of mine earlier in the year: My wife and I were both "born and raised ultra-conservatives" who got married a couple years ago. We didn't sleep with each other before getting married, and have experienced a whole lot of sexual, intimacy, and emotional incompatibility. We make good friends, but horrible lovers. It's just been fucked up. But anyway, I subsequently became a bit more liberal and started to smoke pot, without telling her Rating: 5

[rebgirl420]

Holy shit man, get a divorce already and save yourself the fucking heartache!

Your married to an attention addicted nut job.

I'm sure "god" wouldn't approve of this crap (But I'm a firm Atheist so what do I know).

[stinkyattic]

I hate television too and see it as the NUMBER ONE thing that has led to the apathy of the masses and the wholesale meltdown of our culture into a crap-obsessed consumer-ocracy... And anyone who fakes a suicide attempt for attention or to prove a point needs a SHRINK. Your missus got issues. Counselor time. If she's gonna have a nervous breakdown because you smoke pot, her whole reality is way too shaky for you to hold together for her... she's got to hold that shit together for HERSELF.

It sounds as if your faith is serving you well, at least. I consider myself an agnostic at best, but one thing I know is that if any higher power exists, he would most certainly judge us on the good in our hearts and our kindness towards others more than anything else... something tells me that smoking a weed that needs no human intervention (like alcohol does) to provide us with its psychoactive properties (and if you believe in Creationism, then all plants are gifts from God- God did not, however, invent beer!) would be RATHER low on the list of priorities... somewhere AFTER making sure our damn brains don't turn to mush from too much Desperate Housewives...
To be quite practical about it though, you might want to tell one of her relatives she's playing the pill-OD game so they can talk some damn SENSE into that woman.
Good luck man, wherever your path takes you.

[the image reaper]

she sounds like a 'keeper' to me :wtf: ... I got 4 ex-wives that are ALL crazier than that ...

[elskeetro]

This is tough.

That post above me, although only my opinion, is terrible advice. *when i started writing this...post #2 was the post above me...not Image reaper's)

I'll be as concise as i can.

I grew up in a VERY strict Christian home. My mom and step dad are religious FANATICS. They have no friends...not even christian friends because they are so over zealous they scare everyone away. They raised my sister and i that way. In grade school, we would have halloween parties where kids would pass out candy in the class...my mom made me hand out christian tracts (little brochures explaining the salvation process and the consequences of rejecting Christ) And i would have to sit there and listen to kids read them to each other and laugh.

My biological father has refused all religion since i was born. My mom and stepdad had me convinced he was going to hell and when i was about 7 years old i tried to 'witness' to him and save his soul because mom and step dad scared the ever living shit out of me. I cried and was so afraid for my dad...and he thought it was the most fucked up thing ever and all of my parents had a huge fight.

So we have gone to countless churches that we become heavily involved in and then the church eventually splits over some bullshit doctrine and we are out on our asses looking for a new 'perfect' church family.

So I am Spiritually/Religiously fucked up thanks to my mom and step dad. They wouldn't let me listen to any worldly music, watch movies, etc.

come Middle school i started rebelling. It started with music and new friends. In high school i started smoking weed and that's when it all started turning around.

I have embraced christian teachings and values since birth. why? because i had no other choice. I would even go far enough to say i was 'spiritually abused' if that exists....

Basically my view is this. religion as a whole is like saying "which comic book do you subscribe to?" because it is all as fantastic and irrational and supernatural as the next religion. Who says Christianity is the way? a bunch of white conservatives trying to beat everyone into submission...And it's the same for any other religion. So as of late (past 2 years) i have said fuck all of it. And i gotta tell ya, life has been SWEET since then. Basically, Cannabis is my religion. Everything is from the earth. Everything will some day return to the Earth, whether by catastrophe or natural process. Weed helps bring me back to earth. Not like i was in space, but it gets my mind out of the "Make money, buy tons of shit, expand, exploit..." and all that other consumerism/capitalism american bullshit. starting to rant...i'll get back to it.

My wife is very much the same way. She grew up in a christian home, much more relaxed that mine, but she understands the principles.

we got married when we were 21 and didn't wait for marriage to have sex. We knew each other inside and out before we got married. We knew every disgusting habit, every crack of humor, every annoying thing about each other. Marriage was not a commitment involving GOD, or any other bullshit. It was a commitment between the greatest female i have ever dreamed of and myself. Our wedding day was the lowest point of our marriage because it has only gotten better since then.

We both use cannabis on a daily basis. we both love it and we both are involved in growing it. Our two lives are literally one.

I am sorry that you and your wife aren't seeing eye to eye. If i still believed in prayer i would pray for you, you will be in my thoughts. I think you did the right thing being honest with her. I'm sure it was a hard pill for her to swallow. There may not be any reconciliation. All the lifestyle changes in our lives were made together and somewhat gradually, hand in hand, side by side. i couldn't imagine trying to spring something like this.

I don't know you or your wife, but it sounds hectic. From what you described, all the pills and hand guns sound rather theatrical. She probably has no idea how to react to this so outrageous and irrational makes the most sense to her. More than likely she wants to hurt herself to get back at you, teach you a lesson. Don't give in to that shit. It has nothing to do with you and don't blame yourself for anything that happens. Do your best to talk about it as much as possible, relate to her and try to be kind. Show her you are still the same guy she met long ago, but things just aren't making as much sense as they did back in the day.

Use your head, you sound pretty straight. I wouldn't up and leave, divorce is a big deal (religious or not). If she's a good girl then stick it out, it's not easy. I just hope you can tell when there is no hope and don't drag out the inevitable.

I'm not trying to sway you from your beliefs. But maybe it's time to question why you believe what you do. It's so liberating when you find a new state of mind and spirit. I believe that this life is pretty much what you get, so make the best of it. There's bumpy parts, but nothing that YOU, YOURSELF, can't get through. If believing in God and asking for his/help gets you through...so be it, but know that the outcome would be the same if you had a lucky rabbits foot.

sheesh...what a mouthful. i could go on forever but i may be starting to babble. Be honest with her, be honest with yourself. Cannabis is NOT WRONG...it's only illegal because some asshole said it. That's all.

Good luck. I genuinely care. keep me posted.

Skeet

[Reefer Rogue]

I remember your post from before and i'm proud of you for having the courage to be honest and stand by your beliefs. The truth hurts, in many more ways then one. Personally, i have weed but i don't have contentment, the only thing that felt like that for me was being with someone, i've learned painfully and through lonliness and rejection what my priorities really are. We've had threads like sex or weed and i would now say i'd prefer a women over weed. Not because of sex, that was an example. I'd prefer to have both though so i'm still fighting for my dream, it sounds so stupid, i just wanna smoke in peace with a g/f, it sounds like you do too. Perhaps she isn't 'the one'

[vej33]

wow friend, that is quite a scenario.

i think a more serious problem, one that doesn't have to do with weed, is that you and your wife are incompatible lovers.

what my religious beliefs are have nothing to do with this, but what you basically explain about not having sex until marriage and then finding out you're incompatible lovers, THAT is the #1 reason i do not believe abstinence until marriage. regardless of what any book or religion says, sex and love-making, or whatever you call it, is a large large part of having a relationship.

sexual fulfillment is a very big part of relationships, and it also helps with one's self image. it has a plethora of advantages that i can't even think about at the moment. perhaps that is a more important part of the story that needs addressing?

it's still fucked up about her dramatics. it really blows your mind when something like this happens and you begin to witness the true colors of an individual.

[flyingimam]

That some story mayn.

i dont even know where to begin with... this is the problem i find with "blind religiousness" people give up their god given ability to think and become puppets of bibles, qurans, pastors, churches or Imams n mosques... i would not name religions cuz i think all religions out there as defined have been fucked with internally by humankind so they are not pure word of god imo

perhaps the true and original ones were far better than what we precieve to be the Abrahamistic religions today

anyways, the same type of brainwashing is the root cause of this Islamic extremism and suicide bombing (heaven and 72 virgins waintin on ya buddy go blow yourself up and be ride heaven express to the skies!!) its just here we are dealing with a lower level of it and in a different culture. principle is the same

however, there is nothing u can do about one's past and one's firmly held opinions... at best u will be eroding on one's mind to change her slowly and gradually... which will probably fail and hurt both parties involved.

so here is my practical thinking for this situation:

I'm by no means any expert at these things but I have a few logical ideas which might help u, use at your own risk:

1.
If YOU WANT to be with her or prefer to do so for whatever reason there might be some chance for you to soften her beliefs.

Just google don miguel ruiz. he's a "healer" and a "prophet" if u could call it that. and i bet most Christians will find hardly anything to disagree with in his opinions

here is a quote

Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. If we try to change them, this means that we don't really like them. It is easier to find someone who is already the way you want him or her to be, instead of trying to change that person.

- Don Miguel Ruiz

he has occasional tours and plans, in US & Mexico which u can attend and he is known worldwide .

He has a book out there called "The Four Agreements" try to persuade your wife to read that... audiobook of this title can do wonders.:thumbsup:

thats 1 idea u could try
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2.
somehow get her high, not on a potent sativa tho, on a mellower one, those that will have less of mind effect and heartbeat effect... this depends on her and you, u could ask her str8 up or u could just give her some brownies or in some other way trick her into trying it. she will get pissed (resistance phase) and probably mad at ya for a while or even just a few minutes... then she'll get the feelin kicking in(acceptance will kick in:thumbsup... try to make "THE BEST" 1st time experience for her talk to her keep it as relaxed as u can... experience is the best teacher of human kind. you yourself probably had a problem with weed until u tried it, did u not? in my view all conservatives as we know them in mainstream society will have a stance against marijuana by default... i am yet to see some1 who is firmly a conservative (religious type i mean) who does not have a problem with mj

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3.

somehow make her read this forum or at least this thread lol that may get ya into court and divorce, probably not a good idea but u never know how people may re-act... try to see if u can fact-feed her and undo the brainwashing... this is probably the hardest thing to do... but still an option
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4.
if u think none of this will work, kill the sick sheep(relationship) before it infects all of your cattle(your life, job, etc)... divorce is the final solution.

pain once, death one, suffering once. then u wont have a problem suffering and struggling
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shit... thats why i will never ever marry until i know what kind of a deal im getting inside out! i prefer to be looked @ as a loser living single lifestyle forever than wanting to fall into marriage trap... when the right woman is found, i will know it, with my brain and not my feelings

been in love a number of times and never worked out the way i wanted it... u cant control ppl, u gotta find an identical match and even then people may change... so u gotta find some1 who has principles of THINKING that are like yours so even if her opinion changes her base of thinking remains the same, donno how to explain it better

anyways, I wish whatever thats better for you happens and btw way to go on having the courage to assert your will for your own sake despite all the reactions. remember, as an example and imo, out of a couple one can end up in hell and one can go to heaven (assuming there are such things after life) so live YOUR life the way YOU want it... u wont be judged together thats for sure... at the end of this world and in the judgment day if there are such things again we will all stand alone for our very own actions and alone, aint nobodys momma or wife will be coming to help cuz they'll be busy with their own affairs then.

For some reason this post i just read and the glance Oprah show i had today makes me feel like she needs to put up a program about marijuana and all the misconceptions against it... if women change their minds, no1 can say no to them anymore... thats just my feeling no offense to people of opposite sex i feel females can always achieve more in group form and in struggle form than men ever will!

i'm ramblin again, so im out!

[GartthyTheGreat]

Your original post a while back was actually the first post I ever read on Cannabis.com, and after I read your post I joined. I'm glad you're back man and glad you told your wife :thumbsup:

:jointsmile::jointsmile::rastasmoke:

[leadmagnet]

Hey JSN, your name ain't Todd Palin is it?