hey forthdrive i am in no way telling you that you've lived the most wonderfully fortunate life, but c'mon.
"furthermore, the love that Ive spread has never been repayed.... or balanced!"

You mention friends and a girlfriend. You obviously have internet access, or the money to rent it, an education, and have discovered and use one of the worlds most significantly useful plants. I just think its all relative. If your waiting to win an award for your deeds, it may be a while. The gift in giving is having given, its being taught that the feeling of self worth you have after giving is meaningless, and its learning that nobody is entitled to anything more than anyone else. It sounds like people do in fact love you. you are blessed by mother earth. :thumbsup:

It sounds like you have had some real shitty things happen to you. You are able to sit here after the fact and question Karma and why these things have happened. In doing so you have separated yourself from these things, and that is beautiful and very FORTUNATE!! :jointsmile: