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  1.     
    #1
    Senior Member

    The Joke Thread

    Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk...

    a) Innovative

    b) Preliminary

    c) Proliferation

    d) Cinnamon



    Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...



    a) Specificity

    b) British Constitution

    c) Passive-aggressive disorder

    d) Transubstantiate



    Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...



    a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.

    b) Nope, no more booze for me.

    c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.

    d) No kebab for me, thank you.

    e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?

    f) I'm not interested in fighting you.

    g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.

    h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have zero co-ordination.

    i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.

    j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.
    Lulu Reviewed by Lulu on . The Joke Thread Inspired by the longest thread ever I've decided to create a thread deticated purely to jokes. add your own! here's some of mine: So a bear's walking through a forest and sees a rabbit. The bear says to the rabbit "hey buddy, do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?" the rabbit replies "no". The bear then picks the rabbit up and wipes his ass with it. A peice of string walks into a bar and the bartender says "no string allowed". So the peice of string walks outside and asks Rating: 5

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  3.     
    #2
    Senior Member

    The Joke Thread

    lol brings sum good memorys to mind readin the downright impossible things to say

  4.     
    #3
    Junior Member

    The Joke Thread

    what do you call a chicken in a shellsuit?????????? an egg!!!!!!!

  5.     
    #4
    Senior Member

    The Joke Thread

    if you had sex 365 days & saved all the condoms,then melted them down & made a car tyre.what name wud you give the tyre.
    a goodyear

  6.     
    #5
    Senior Member

    The Joke Thread

    ~lol~ yeh but would they be slicks???? ~lol~

  7.     
    #6
    Junior Member

    The Joke Thread

    Why E-Mail Is Like a Penis

    Those who have it would be devastated if it was ever cut off.

    Those who have it think that those who don't are somehow inferior.

    Those who don't have it may agree that it's neat, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who have it make about it.

    Many of those who don't have it would like to try it - A phenomenon psychologists call "E-Mail Envy."

    It's more fun when it's up, but this makes it hard to get any real work done.

    In the distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information vital to the survival of the species.

    Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it mostly for fun.

    If you don't take proper precautions, it can spread viruses.

    If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.

    We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.

    If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you into a lot of trouble.

    If you play with it too much, you could go blind.

  8.     
    #7
    Senior Member

    The Joke Thread

    How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

    Just one, but the light bulb really has to want to change.

  9.     
    #8
    Senior Member

    The Joke Thread

    Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman get captured by pirates. The pirate captain tells them,
    "I'm going to give you all 40 lashes with the cat-o-nine-tails, but it's my birthday today so I shall allow you to wear one item on your back".
    The Irishman is tied to the mast and the captain asks what he'd like to wear,
    "I'll keep my donkey jacket on", the first few lashes cut through his jacket and after 40 he needs to be carried away.
    The Scotsman is brought forward and tied to the mast. When the captain asks what he wants to wear the Scotsman spits on the deck and replies,
    "Nothing". He stands firm through the 40 lashes and when they untie him he laughs at the captain and walks away.
    The Englishman is brought forward and the captain asks,
    "And what do you want to cover your back?" The Englishman thinks for a moment and replies,
    " The Scotsman ".


  10.     
    #9
    Senior Member

    The Joke Thread

    While on the subject of pirates


    Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the sea, this captain and his crew were always in danger of being boarded by pirates from a pirate ship.

    One day while they were sailing, they saw that a pirate ship had sent a boarding party to try and board their ship. The crew became worried, but the Captain was calm.

    He bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"

    The First Mate quickly got the Captain's red shirt, which the captain put on. Then he led his crew into battle against the mean pirates. Although there were some casualties among the crew, the pirates were defeated.

    Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending two boarding parties towards their ship. The crew was nervous, but the Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" And once again the battle was on!

    The Captain and his crew fought off the boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

    Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's events when an ensign looked at the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"

    The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, explained, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the blood, so you men will continue to fight unafraid." The men sat in silence. They were amazed at the courage of such a man.

    As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command.

    The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, 'Bring me my brown pants!!!'

  11.     
    #10
    Senior Member

    The Joke Thread

    A very gay football referee (this is well funny)

    http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/a...egayestref.wmv

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