I am going to start this thread with my frustration with being a parent/husband with a chemical imbalance.
I have been trying to treat my condition "adhd/bi-polar. I quit smoking 4 years ago when I meet my wife.. That was a REALLY hard first 4 years of being married and a father.
I started back up smoking marijuana back in june of '07 while doing a summer position in Philly. I saw tons of growth when I was smoking an a regular basis. I returned to Illinois. Shortly after i returned I ran out. The progress that i made was lost in a sea of frustration brought on by stress of being a father of four, a 12 year old and three 3 year olds.
I know smoking alone doesn't fix the problem. I have to work really hard to be a good parent. My frustrations are that every time I run out, i backslide. I hate that I am only able to find random times and when i do its swag..
Some bags work well, some make me have massive munchies, and some dont work at all. I would love to be able to cook with it. I know it stays in your system WAY longer then smoking. I have problems in the mornings after its not in my system during sleeping, but I can never find enough to buy..

My wife sees improvement, but she sees the problem of not being to find a proper strain or even a decent hookup.
I HATE the way i blow up and lose my ability to stop and think before I yell at our kids. I hate that I am so frustrated over my issues and take it out on the ones i love.
I have tried to take things into my own hands and have even put myself and family at risk and carefully poked around locally.
I also finally tried to grow my own. That ended up with a seized package from the U.S customs, port of chicago.

I feel I am set to fail as a parent. I am not ok with taking the "normal" spread of pills that Dr's are so quick to throw out you.
I am not ok with dealing with negative side effects with more pills. I KNOW marijuana is my meds. It has been since I was 15, im now 29.
It is heart wrenching to know I am losing the battle i am fighting, more importantly im losing my family.
I moved to Illinois to move my family around family to get some help with our kids.. (lot of good that did, damn in-laws) I left my home state and every friend I have ever had. I know not a single person out here that really understands my need for a consistent hookup. I have run across a few people that come thru here and there, but nothing more then 3 weeks. Resulting in a chemical rollercoaster ride..
I attempted to get a transfer to a state where its legal, but my issues make it hard to do my job without problems."staying organized" (ADHD) and remembering the little details of my line of work.
I know giving up and leaving my family is not the right thing, but whats better. Walking out on my family or have them stick it and
have my family be my emotional punching bags.

Any parents that might be going through the same or near, please post your thoughts...
illnillinois Reviewed by illnillinois on . A parent's struggling to be a parent. I am going to start this thread with my frustration with being a parent/husband with a chemical imbalance. I have been trying to treat my condition "adhd/bi-polar. I quit smoking 4 years ago when I meet my wife.. That was a REALLY hard first 4 years of being married and a father. I started back up smoking marijuana back in june of '07 while doing a summer position in Philly. I saw tons of growth when I was smoking an a regular basis. I returned to Illinois. Shortly after i returned I ran Rating: 5