Bending like a MoFo... the limbo scene from the Titanic spoof episode of Futurama comes to mind. Steel drum music optional.

Chemical... Bushmaster is the one. Not all strains respond, and it is expensive.

Scissorhands... Uh huh. Don't take off more than 1/3 of the total plant mass at any given time, and allow 2 weeks to recover before flowering.

IMVHO, bending is your best bet.