Thanks for the update. With the nice individual replies and honest, appreciated! It really sounds like you both need individual therapy. She must have some sex issues, she may never be able to discuss in front of you. It may be, she has something to say to you about sex as much as you do to her about pot! Once the two of you get honest with each other, the rest may fall into place! Sex is not everything! It helps a great deal and if neither of you are getting satisfied, it could ruin your relationship more than sharing secrets. I doubt there could be more intimacy or serious issues than sex! Once, you are real with each other, I bet it falls into place! You are both holding back. My experience, to have an orgasm, you really have to let go, as pot would do for both of you! Too bad it would not be good to slip her some good brownies! I played with MJ in college and then let it go due to occupation. As a First Southern Baptist Christian, I did not try it until 30 yrs old and was against it until then! Not after trying it. I tried it because a 65 yr. old woman told me, she could not tell her children not to do something, if she did not know what she was talking about, so she tried whatever they did. I thot, open my mind and try it! I loved it! It did open me up more sexually as well as verbally! Enhanced my relationship which soon dissolved! Not because of Pot! When token, I find I talk a lot easier. Just my experience! It sounds like most of the real important things that you need for a life time relationship are there, except honesty on both sides on these 2 issues! Those are things you can work out. If she is so stiff in sex, it may take a long time in therapy. There are no quick fixes. Ultimately, if one of you had a bad accident and you could not have sex, would you stay together--because that is what love is about! Ultimately, if you are growing, you want to be caught and forced to talk! Is that the way you want it to come down? I had problems smoking in front of people, until I had a real good medical reason--then no problem. I have never been with anyone I did not tell first, even if I wasn't doing it! I have been with no one that use's though! Even First South. Bapt. can open up! Takes timing and growing up. THERE IS NOTHING MORE INTIMATE THAN ULTIMATE SEX. Heck, I even started reading The Forum Mag! It sounds like she has a mental hang-up, as you expressed and she needs to work through that. But, telling her--I know a man married for 30 years and never told his wife! But, he did not gro at home! I don't know how fulfilling a relationship could be if you feel you are living a lie! If you fear being alone more, then that is something else! Good luck with the counsel and I do sincerely hope it does work out well. It may be she has repressed things, she isn't even aware of and it could be a rough emotional ride for both of you! She may need a lot of support from you through it, if she can be open and honest with therapist and I doubt that will happen with you in the room! You may consider joint (pun intended) and individual therapy! So much prayer and love is going your way!:hippy: Oh, I decided I can be a Christian and go to a different kind of church, like Unitarian or whtever you choose, something not so rigid. Falwell's demise, may have helped the Baptist a bit, don't know. But, there are other options for a church, as well!