It is only you and yourself now, my friend. And for an element of sensitivity I completely understand your plight. In fact, I am in a similar battle myself. I am also twenty years old with no job, no car, and worst of all I have no help but that of my own and of what I observe and experience. What you need are some new ideas to help yourself, which you are evidently capable of doing. For example, when you are craving the good herb--do you or do you not find a way to stoned?

The concept of re-inventing yourself might seem a tad bit intimidating for the reason that it really does not help. Invision found a way of bringing it back home, and putting the power of change in your own hands because that responsibility can only belong to you. I would try listening to the thoughts and feelings of people around you. Talk to someone you can trust. Now I can only speak for myself but I also experience anxiety in social situations, mostly when I believe I am victim of someone's smart-ass comments. And I found that the resolve was not lashing out but understanding the message woven into the words.

I struggled trying to understand why my friends made such comments, for a very long time as a matter of fact. It was so bad at times that I began to believe their comments, which only did damage to the way I felt about myself. For example, I would literally cringe at the sound of the word "faggot" or "bitch," because I felt like those words were directed toward me, then tonight I rationalized that perhaps those words were appropriate because I was acting like a bitch or someone who was too co-dependent. Like the words described the way I behaved.

Now some might place emphasis on activity, like running around to feel better about yourself. However I believe a solution rests in mental activity as opposed to physical activity. Take your social trauma as a lesson to learn more. You will undoubtedly and instinctively find a solution to your social anxiety, and you will even begin talking more and understanding more. A lot can be learned when we stop, listen, and think.