Anxiety, Self-Doubt, and Perfectionism

[Trip06]

Same here. I think its normal to be self critical. Like with dressing and looking good for example. Its normal to want respect from your peers. Who wants to get shit all the time or think they have a problume? Maybe you dont have a problume. If your going overboard like with anorexia and lots of worrying then you got a problume. Just say fuck it and do what makes you happy. Its not like lots of people you may or may not know are out to critisize everything about you or someshit(thatd be just wack as fuck). Don't let the 'perfectionism' label get you confused with setting good standards for yourself. Maybe the people you hang around are competitive? If not do they put you down a lot? If your uncomfortable about where your at set goals to get there, and dont worry bout a hater or someone whos better off than yourself.Theres always going to be someone hating on you or better off than you. 9/10 times they wont even say shit to your face because there pussy.

[birdgirl73]

I struggle with the competition thing, too, Smoking Monkey. Always want to knock the top out in some way, usually grades but also in fitness, health, achieving physical goals, even silly stuff like getting chores done around the house. It's now like I've totally created a way to drive myself to achieve (really, I mean overachieve). The strange thing is it has mostly ceased for me to be about how others regard me when I achieve. It's something I've internalized so the expectations are my own of myself. When I was younger it still had more to do with what others thought.

I'm pretty sure that, for me, this only represents a little progress. I need to ease up on myself. I know that. I've known that for years. But I'm compelled to keep striving for perfection. A very good shrink once explained that that was really about low self-esteem instead of high. He said that once I had the confidence to know I could fail or falter or even just perform at a slightly lower level but feel reassured that I was still on track with my own expectations of myself, then I'd have made the true jump to sanity and peace.

I, of course, still drive myself onward and upward. That hasn't clicked into place with me yet. The whole it's-OK-to-falter thing, I mean. I despair that it never will. Frankly, when people are in the midst of medical school, I don't see how it does.

You must be the bravest person in the world for relinquishing school at the point you did! I happened upon that post not too long ago. I applaud you and am in awe of you. That couldn't have been easy.