To Parent, or Not To Parent

[do it twice]

that is the question on my mind.
My fiance has always said, he doesn't want kids... do you think this will ever change?
sometimes I think I don't want kids for a number of reasons: expenses, the mess (he also says he would NEVER change a diaper or clean vomit), the lack of alone time I would get with my hunny, My life would be devoted to kids now not myself and my lover, not to mention this is a fucked up world we live in... do I really want to bring a life into this world with all the risks of it being hurt?

but on the other hand, I love children, and I am very maternal. I know I would be a great mom. Sometimes I just really wish That we could have a baby someday...

My fiance is great with kids but shares the same views on the negatives I do, what do you guys think ?

**pot is my second love and I wouldn't want to quit except for during the pregnancy, is it hard to deal w/ kids when your stoned?

do it twice Reviewed by do it twice on 03-05-2008. To Parent, or Not To Parent that is the question on my mind. My fiance has always said, he doesn't want kids... do you think this will ever change? sometimes I think I don't want kids for a number of reasons: expenses, the mess (he also says he would NEVER change a diaper or clean vomit), the lack of alone time I would get with my hunny, My life would be devoted to kids now not myself and my lover, not to mention this is a fucked up world we live in... do I really want to bring a life into this world with all the risks Rating: 5

[Breukelen advocaat]

I'd advise you to stay child-free. You can't miss what you never had.

Go with your intellect, and don't trust your instincts - they are built-in to preserve the species and are unnecessary, even wrong, because of overpopulation and the state of affairs in the world.

I've never heard any child-free person over the age of 50 say that they regretted their decision not to become a parent.

My wife and I are THINKERS:

Two Healthy Incomes No Kids Early Retirement!

[psteve]

but on the other hand, I love children, and I am very maternal. I know I would be a great mom.

You should be a teacher. The world needs more good compassionate teachers, and helping make the world better for a few existing kids is a lot less risky than creating another life.
My SO is a social worker.
No kids for us, so she gets her kid fix by helping babies and moms in the hospital.

[Dutch Pimp]

I've never heard any child-free person over the age of 50 say that they regretted their decision not to become a parent

...and it gives you a chance to shop for your own gravesite....:rastabanna:

[Breukelen advocaat]

...and it gives you a chance to shop for your own gravesite....:rastabanna:

Don't even have to worry about that, because I'll be cremated. :thumbsup:

[Mr. Clandestine]

is it hard to deal w/ kids when your stoned?

Sometimes, having a mild buzz seems to actually help you keep your sanity while dealing with an unruly child. I have a three year old, and luckily he has a very mild temperament. But I have friends who are raising little hell-spawns, and there's no way I'd be able to tolerate them without being stoned out of my mind.

Maybe your fiance will come around, or maybe you'll 'accidentally' discover that you're expecting. That's what happened to me and my wife, and neither of us would change a thing.

Lastly, I made the same claims about poo diapers and puke before we were ever expecting a child. To date, I've changed about a bazillion diapers... and luckily, he's almost got the hang of going potty on his own! (Thank God.) Whichever path you two decide to take, I hope you have happy lives together!

[zeitgeist]

What you should do is babysit for a while and see how you feel about it

[do it twice]

yeah I am definitely holding off, but I guess if it happens it happens.. and I would be happy if it did.

Any of you parents out there used to think you never wanted kids, but things changed when you found out?

[Mr. Clandestine]

Any of you parents out there used to think you never wanted kids, but things changed when you found out?

I won't say that my wife and I weren't wanting children, but it was way much more of an afterthought. We certainly didn't plan on having a child at such a young age. But when we found out, we knew we would have to play with the cards that we were being dealt... and our whole mindset changed from there. We went from drinking, doing drugs, and partying all night long to a much more relaxed lifestyle almost overnight. I haven't been 'wasted' drunk in years, and now I absolutely shun drug use... well, with the exception of one.

I admit that I miss hanging out with some of my closest buddies & spending all hours of the night at bars, clubs, and such... but there's no way I'd change anything if I were given the choice. I've grown so attached to my little boy in the last three years that I honestly can't picture life without him... and I don't try to. I'm much more interested now in knowing/finding out what the future holds, and less concerned with how things could have been different in the past.

This whole ordeal also brought my wife and I closer than we ever had been before in our relationship. We're a family now, and we are getting to enjoy doing things that families are supposed to do. Instead of going out and spending tons of money on cars, expensive jewelry, luxury cruises, etc., we've invested in our first house, and made investments in other places, and we're just now starting to see some really nice returns on a few of the investments. This never would have happened if we were still living life in the fast-lane.

Having a kid will certainly change you, but in most cases for the better. However your life unfolds, I wish you and your fiance the best of luck and all the happiness in the world!

[birdgirl73]

I like PSteve's advice to be a teacher and work out some of the maternal instinct that way.

Parenting is definitely hard, and the last thing you want to do is make a baby with a partner who doesn't want to be a parent. That's particularly unfair to the baby itself. I've known plenty of people who've come around on the subject of having babies later in life, so I hope you'll take the wait-and-see approach for the future but take definite steps now to prevent the if-it-happens-it-happens eventuality. Accidental babies are a set-up for disaster, for the parents and especially for the babies.

Children deserve to be born to two committed, in-love, settled, stable people who both feel strongly that they want children because they like children. Even when they're born into those circumstances, they absolutely turn your life upside down. It's a huge step, and far more people need to enter into it with great caution. The thing about parenting--and no one who doesn't have kids can really even begin to fathom this, although childless people will assure you otherwise--is that it is literally a 24-7 and 20 - 25 year proposition. The responsibility is constant, unrelenting, and overwhelming. If you think you're ready for it, trust me, you're not. Just spend 24 hours with a mama of a newborn, a small infant, or even a toddler or small pre school-age child. That will encourage you to keep using contraception and continue to have fun being young and single and free!