do you stay with someone even if you hate what they do for a living?

[stinkyattic]

If I dislike the person's job because I think it is unethical (ex: corporate attorney specializing in representing corporations accused of polluting or shit labor practices), I'm out.

If I dislike the person's crappy income but see that they are happy at their job and responsible enough to live within their means, I'm okay but watching out for signs of leeching.

Bad credit that could impact my future ability to get a small business loan would be an issue.

If I think the person makes shit money because he's fucking off at work, or lazy, or missing work, I see that as shades of things to come. This isn't about the job, then... it's about my strict No More Lazy Bastards rule.

Being alone is easier than letting some ass mooch off ya. Really. If you have a mooch on your hands, cut the ties... it gets MUCH worse after they realize they can get away with it.

[warmblanky]

-it takes up all of his time
-we only hang out about 1-2 hours a day
-he hasnt made any money at it (he started his own business). its been 9 months but he is still determined to make it work and spends all of his time doing it
-his business partner is a jerk off and ignores me all the time. ill ask him a question and he'll pretend like he didnt hear me. and the other day he said something to my boy, and i said "what was that? does the toliet have shit all over it, uh oh, thats not good" (i had misheard him) then he says something like "you misheard me because i wasnt talking to you" and then scoffs and shakes his head and laughs at me


sigh.


help please

[geonagual]

-its been 9 months but he is still determined to make it work and spends all of his time doing it

as long as he is really working it..it sounds like he is trying really hard and you should support that..9 months isnt that long..is he making some money?

[stinkyattic]

Starting a business is a very time consuming project and props to him for taking that risk.
You should expect that your time together will be limited for a while. My dear friend's husband started one recently and for the first couple years it was very difficult but they found ways to see each other, such as she would go in and help with the paperwork for the business and at least they'd get to enjoy each others' company during those first hard months. And the business brought them closer because they had worked as a couple on it. Their marriage is a true partnership and works well as a result.

It sounds like the bigger issue is that you feel disrespected by his partner. You should be able to communicate to your man about that, first by asking if he has noticed, and then by saying how it makes you feel. Don't start by making accusatory statements; those lead to defensive replies and going off the main subject which is going to be something along the lines of "I feel hurt when your business partner does X".

Your boyfriend may not be aware of your feelings, or even that there is anything wrong. How he responds will tell you a lot about his character.

[warmblanky]

as long as he is really working it..it sounds like he is trying really hard and you should support that..9 months isnt that long..is he making some money?

he makes like 100 every other week or so.


the problem is that i moved away from my family to be with him. like 3,000 miles away. im from the states and he's from canada. we are in canada right now. so i have no family and no friends here really but his family. he has an older sister. shes nice but i would prefer my own family obviously, who wouldnt?

but him and his "business partner" are really good friends it seems. well i mean, how can they not be, they smoke together and are trying to make their business work. so they are going to spend alot of time together.

but here i am with no friends or family. its a really really small town, like 3,000 people so its really hard to find friends here. most of the people my age (21) all have kids and cant really hang out.

so i just feel so alone and depressed because im alone most of the day while he's at his friend's house trying to make money. also im super jealous that he has a friend and i dont. all i have is him.

i also feel like im wasting my youth by not going to school. (you cant go to school in canada if you're from the states without a student visa and probably alot of money which i dont have)


my life is so fucked

[StickyfingahZ]

-his business partner is a jerk off and ignores me all the time. ill ask him a question and he'll pretend like he didnt hear me. and the other day he said something to my boy, and i said "what was that? does the toliet have shit all over it, uh oh, thats not good" (i had misheard him) then he says something like "you misheard me because i wasnt talking to you" and then scoffs and shakes his head and laughs at me


sigh.


help please

Damn,I wouldnt let someone talk to my wife like that.....or my kids. I'd tell that partner,you shake your head at my family one more time,and I'll shake your head till it falls off.

But if he is really working at it....give him a lil support.The partner dont seem to cool,but......I dunno.

[geonagual]

are you 2 married?

Sounds like you need to come back to the US and get yourself enrolled in school..if not..then you need to find a way to get yourself independent.

[geonagual]

Oh yeah, he needs to make mo money..that is not even close to enough..even for a beginning businesss

[warmblanky]

well i do have a job here, so i will eventually have money after we get ourselves out of debt.




i could easily go to school in the states, my parents have money. alot of it. but i love this guy to death. he is my best friend. so if i left here i would lose my best friend. i have no friends in the states where im from either. well hardly. i have my 2 sisters and my mom and thats about it. but they are busy with their own lives.


we arent married, but we've been dating for 3 years so it feels like we are.

[stinkyattic]

he makes like 100 every other week or so.

How does he pay his rent? :wtf:

the problem is that i moved away from my family to be with him. like 3,000 miles away. im from the states and he's from canada. we are in canada right now. so i have no family and no friends here really but his family.

I hear ya. That's a big leap of faith. Make sure that because you don't know anyone else you aren't becoming clingy. If you intend to stay there, you NEED to make some other friends ASAP.

they smoke together and are trying to make their business work. so they are going to spend alot of time together.

Doing what? Smoking? Are they actually trying to run a business or just playing at it?

i also feel like im wasting my youth by not going to school. (you cant go to school in canada if you're from the states without a student visa and probably alot of money which i dont have)

Probably? have you looked into it? It's good to get an education and a circle of friends at the same time.

Let me give you some advice. Moving away from everyone you love to be with a boyfriend puts a lot of stress on the relationship. I hope that he got down on his knees and BEGGED you to move and treats you well.
I also think that you should go to college. Long distance relationships aren't the worst thing in the world. Community College in Maine isn't a bad idea. You could still see him some weekends. He is busy with the business; why waste your time waiting around for him to find a few moments to keep you company while you could be getting your own career on track? Do you want to have to depend on him to pay the bills when you are living together? If you think you feel trapped now, wait until later when you are living in a country where you do not have citizenship or even a student visa and can't find a job...

I think you're in an unwinnable situation. Go back to school. Get some independence. Get some perspective.