first, smoke a bowl. I'l wait...... now, dress up as santa and climb down your chimney. then once you get stuck call 911. it will take them about an hour to get there but you can talk to the skeletons in your chimney while you wait. The dust will start to clog your nose and blind your eyes but it's ok, your santa claus. you have a beard, and rosy cheeks that radiate red and white bands of christmas joy that only the children and the skeletons in your chimney can understand.
After the red and blue get you down, and you sit in your living room rubbing your feet on your carpet with a cup of swiss miss and a scratched Manahiem steamroller cd skipping in your sd player, you'll look at the place where your tree would have been and say "When I was 14 years old we used to have a beautiful tree which is more than Jesus ever did."