Just discovered that my underage nephew is toking...need advice please!

[GreenLadyOfDankDowns]

I was 12 when my nephew was born, and so in many ways he feels more like my little brother. We're good friends and pretty close. He just turned 16, and I just discovered that he's smoking weed. He was staying over at my parents' home this weekend (I was visiting as well obviously) and had left his dirty clothes on the floor in the bathroom after his shower. I picked them up and WHOOPS, rolling papers, a lighter, and an empty dime sized baggy fell out of one of the pockets.

Is there a chance he was holding this for a friend? Possibly, but I know my nephew, and I'd say he's toking. I just don't know how to handle it. As a smoker, I'd feel like a complete heel if I busted him out to his dad (my brother). I started smoking weed around when I was 17 - 18 and I don't feel it did me any harm, but he is struggling in school as it is. Of course the fact that he is struggling may be why he's toking and not the other way around.

Should I tell his dad, or take him aside and tell him what I've found and talk to him about it? What would you do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

GreenLadyOfDankDowns Reviewed by GreenLadyOfDankDowns on 12-09-2007. Just discovered that my underage nephew is toking...need advice please! I was 12 when my nephew was born, and so in many ways he feels more like my little brother. We're good friends and pretty close. He just turned 16, and I just discovered that he's smoking weed. He was staying over at my parents' home this weekend (I was visiting as well obviously) and had left his dirty clothes on the floor in the bathroom after his shower. I picked them up and WHOOPS, rolling papers, a lighter, and an empty dime sized baggy fell out of one of the pockets. Is there a chance Rating: 5

[FlyGuyOU]

hmmm, how would your brother take it? does he smoke? know you do? My first thought would be to talk to your nephew, you say you guys are close so that shouldn't be too hard. However, if my brother knew my kid was toking I would really want him to tell me as well. I'd probably talk to your nephew first to get his side of the story, how much and how long, probably talk to him about the importance of school and all that jazz.

[ChronicJoint]

wow that is a hard question. because i thought about it as if i had just caught my nephew... :wtf:

i would probably talk to him about it first but still tell my sister, because she should know what her son is doing.

so yea, i would say talk to him first then tell your brother about it, well actually, i dunno because how does your brother feel about smokin? that would be part of it. you dont wanna throw your nephew under the bus, but its the right thing to do.

hmmm, a much harder question then i imagined. i dunno i guess its all on you because we dunno your family members

[rmrdr716]

id say take him aside and talk to him about it. once you talk to him about it hell begin to open up to you because your the only adult that he can talk to about wwats going on with him. When i was 16 i couldnt tell any adults that i smoked pot because they would all rat on me. Wouldv been cool to be able to open up to someone. Just my 2 cents

[GreenLadyOfDankDowns]

Unfortunately my brother is a complete and utter asshat, and I'm worried about his possible reaction. He knows I smoke, and he did smoke a little in the past, but gave it up long ago. He won't touch the stuff now (because of his new wife, and that's a whole 'nother can of worms). In fact we aren't on friendly terms because I still smoke (that's one reason anyway) and have told him point blank that I'm not willing to quit just because it makes him (*cough* his new wife *cough*) uncomfortable.

I'm going to go and grab my nephew and have a little talk with him and will decide if his dad actually needs to be notified after that. Does anyone know if the JROTC drug tests? He wants to join next semester so I may be able to use that to herd him away from the herb, at least until he's 18. Hell, I'll probably take his ass out and get him good and stoned on his 18th birthday. Right now I just want to keep him out of trouble and keep his dad from killing him.

[FlyGuyOU]

I know ROTC does, IDK about J...maybe if you give them reason to. You could always call them and ask
That sucks your brother is an asshat. Or newwife is.
The fact that he's not cool makes things a bit more difficult. If you talk to you nephew straight up like a man and he starts to confide in you, you don't want to break his trust by 'ratting' him out to his dad. Whats your nephew think about this new wife (im assuming its a stepmom). This is tough b/c you have to value the weight of each relationship, Thats tough.

Does your nephew know you toke up? This could be a good way to take him under your wing? IDK how close you guys live but if you'd be willing it'd be a good way to set up a study/do homework first/then we toke together afterwards type of situtation.

IDK this is one of those tough choices in life. It'll all turn out somehow

[Innominate]

Talk to him about it, be reasonable.

[Storm Crow]

You are on the right track! Don't tell Dad, like you said, he's an asshat! You might gently chide your nephew about being careless! He was lucky it was you and not Dad! A good scare will do him good!

Does your nephew know HOW to study? I'm going to do a bit of "cut and paste from an old post I did. Print it up, it might help his grades. "Stoner study tips" are hard to come by for some odd reason! but I'm a stoned teacher's aide/tutor (not at work, of course), so here they are!

Going back to school? Great study tips!

"I want all of you to get straight "A"s, to break the "dumb, underachieving stoner" image and maybe amaze the parents and teachers! I work in education and I'm darn good at it. Here's a few things you can do to get better grades. You may not get all "A"s the first semester, but your grades should improve greatly!

First, get a cassette recorder- even an "el cheapo" will do, you aren't recording music! Read your text books into it and replay the text often, while driving, doing housework, etc. I guarantee you will learn it! It is easier than reading and re-reading your text book- just click and play!

Second, begin work ASAP on all assignments. The kids in college though I was crazy because I started on term papers a couple of weeks into class. By the time finals came around, I was done with it and could focus on JUST the finals- while everyone else was going crazy trying to do both for all their classes. I graduated with honors.

Third, type out your notes! Retyping them makes you pay attention to what you wrote. Try to read a sentence, then retype it from memory. Be sure to read it again to check for accuracy.

Fourth, Study in a group! The feedback from fellow students sticks in your mind (usually more than what the teacher said in class!). They did a study on this and kids who worked in groups got better grades with the same amount of studying as students who studied alone.

Fifth, I had a lot of luck writing my papers stoned and cleaning them up straight. The ideas just "flowed". Math (for me) was a disaster when I was stoned, however.

Sixth, Use a reward system. "I won't play my Xbox/get stoned/ have a cookie until I finish this assignment. Just don't do a hurried job- be patient!

Another thing you can do, if you are creative, is to take a tune you know well and set new words to it- the facts you need to learn. I can still recite Poe's poem "El Dorado" that I learned in the 60s! I set it to some music and sang it through over and over. Remembering a song uses a different part of your brain than learning nonmusical stuff. So basically, you have it "written" in two places in your memory, making it more likely that you will be able to remember the facts.

As a tutor, one third of my job is getting kids to believe in themselves. The other thirds are- teaching kids how to study (tricks and tips), and the actual teaching of the facts and formulas. Most of you are just lacking the "tools" you need to learn- you're not stupid, you just don't know how to learn! And HOW to learn is not something most schools teach! I just gave you a few tricks that work for a lot of people. You DO have to work, though. Facts don't just jump into your head, you have to put them there. Very few of the kids I've tutored have remained stuck in their low grades. And I am proud of every one of them! Go for it! Make me proud!- Granny

And a little more!
OK, Let's add flash cards to the list of good study aids! In science, learning the vocabulary is half the battle! Pick up some 3x5s and use them for vocabulary, history, whatever! Again, they are easy to use in those "wasted minutes" (waiting for the microwave to cook a potato, commercials during the game, riding in a car...)"

Well, that might help you a bit. - Granny :hippywho graduated with honors)

[Reefer Rogue]

I'd leave him alone and let him toke, let him make his own 'mistakes'

[beachguy in thongs]

I'd keep it between you two. You never know, he just might win that big prize at the family reunion that you always wanted.