I've always dealt with death just as buddha said. Happy when they die morbid as that sounds. Although when a friend passes on and I don't know if they were a believe or not that really hurts me. My friend Nino's is my example. Nino's was a Latin King from Chicago. He moved to Phoenix a few months after I did. I meet nino's while working at a gas station. It was freaken funny how we meet. I was out side smoking a bowl with a few friends when this guy in a Cadi pulls up. He get out and asks for a hit so I gave him the pipe. I could smell the beer on him and knew he was fucked up. By the gas pumps there were a few skater kids playing around. Nino's turns around to them then back to me and asks if he could run them off. Stoned as I was I said sure. He started yelling at them then chasing them with his car. It was funny. Anyways we became somewhat good friends until he stole $500.00 off of me. Even then I wrote him a letter saying if he needed the money all he had to do was ask and it would have been his. We didn't talk for two years after the letter. One day I was walking to my car with a joint in my ear. I sat down and sparked it up when Nino's walked in front of my car. I quickly jumped out which scared him thinking I cared about teh money he stole. I told him to chill I wasn't going to do anything to him. I asked if he got the letter I mailed him and he said yes. He just didn't believe I was for real. We sat down talking for a while (until the joint went out) and I told him I'm the way I am because of Jesus Christ. The topic got brought up because he said he's never meet someone like me before. I didn't get to talk to much more about Jesus with him cause we both had to leave but we left friends. Two weeks later his cousin called me another Latin King and told me Nino's got shot 19 times in the back because he stole something like a pound of meth from this rich fucker who if I see again faith out the window and his ass is is going in a mine shaft up north. Anyways. I never cried for my grandfathers, I never cried for a good friend in KY, I never cried when I lost a friend at age 9, I never cried when a mentor died in a ATV accident. Nino's I balled like a school girl. I knew I had a chance to help him out by sharing Jesus with him. What if we talked a little more about Jesus and he changed his life from stealing and thugish things to peace, forgiveness, tolerance. He would still be here I think. I fucked up because I wanted Mc D's. So when people of faith die I rejoice, but when someone of no faith passes I'm pissed off because I could have helped change the out come of where they end up.

Guilt the hardest thing to let go.

Rev. Michael T
Soldier for Christ