At wits end...just ranting

[KushG69]

I have been dating this guy I went to high school with since last May, and I think it's safe to say that I love him. He is an alcoholic, and has had three DUI's (no license now). The last DUI he got, he was sentenced to 60 days in the county jail.

He got out on work release, so basically I would pick him up at 5:30 in the morning and drop him off at 6pm. We both work, so we got an average of one hour together a day.

This was hard enough, but while he was in jail he started changing...he used to be easy going and happy. Now he's always drunk (more than before) and pouts if no one will buy him beer (he's still 19). Early October, immediately after he got out of jail he told me he wanted to break up and he wanted me to find someone else.

So I did, like the next day...just to see what he would do (I know that's not healthy) and it's like he was suddenly interested in me again. He cried and begged me back and here we are...unhappy because HE is unhappy.

I love him and I don't want to leave him (I never really did), but I don't know how to help him.

KushG69 Reviewed by KushG69 on 12-04-2007. At wits end...just ranting I have been dating this guy I went to high school with since last May, and I think it's safe to say that I love him. He is an alcoholic, and has had three DUI's (no license now). The last DUI he got, he was sentenced to 60 days in the county jail. He got out on work release, so basically I would pick him up at 5:30 in the morning and drop him off at 6pm. We both work, so we got an average of one hour together a day. This was hard enough, but while he was in jail he started Rating: 5

[FlyGuyOU]

dang kush, if i were you i'd take it slow, you might think you love this guy, but he hasn't even matured enough yet for you to fully know who he is. IDK i might be wrong, but 3dui's and still only 19....raises some red flags.
you can't change people if they don't want to change

[birdgirl73]

You can't help him. That's the point. Only he can help himself, and it sounds like he isn't anywhere near the point of even realizing he has a problem, much less addressing it.

An angry, alcoholic 19-year-old with three DUIs, a suspended driver's license, and a jail term isn't someone you're going to be able to help. Until he helps himself, he'll keep putting his life and that of others at risk. You can stick with him and enable him, let him keep yo-yoing your emotions, and be there to financially support him and bail him outta jail and other legal problems. But you can't help him. You can only help yourself, and the best way you could do that is by finding someone healthier unless you want to be pulled under with him.

[geonagual]

It is time to move on...maybe some other time...but not now...

[KushG69]

You can't help him. That's the point. Only he can help himself, and it sounds like he isn't anywhere near the point of even realizing he has a problem, much less addressing it.

An angry, alcoholic 19-year-old with three DUIs, a suspended driver's license, and a jail term isn't someone you're going to be able to help. Until he helps himself, he'll keep putting his life and that of others at risk. You can stick with him and enable him, let him keep yo-yoing your emotions, and be there to financially support him and bail him outta jail and other legal problems. But you can't help him. You can only help yourself, and the best way you could do that is by finding someone healthier unless you want to be pulled under with him.

I think you pretty much sumarized what I already know in my heart, but even thinking about cutting him out is unbearable. I have already spent $$ to get him out of jail and he has drawn attention to me as well (small town) and now all the cops know me and my car.

Part of me feels like even if I stick beside him through it all he wont appreciate it. He will feel as if it is owed to him. I am like a second mother to him as well as a girlfriend and yes, I am an enabler (not that I'm proud of this) because I cant stand to see him suffer withdrawal when he doesn't have alcohol....

[TheSmokingMonkey]

I have been dating this guy I went to high school with since last May, and I think it's safe to say that I love him. He is an alcoholic, and has had three DUI's (no license now). The last DUI he got, he was sentenced to 60 days in the county jail.

He got out on work release, so basically I would pick him up at 5:30 in the morning and drop him off at 6pm. We both work, so we got an average of one hour together a day.

This was hard enough, but while he was in jail he started changing...he used to be easy going and happy. Now he's always drunk (more than before) and pouts if no one will buy him beer (he's still 19). Early October, immediately after he got out of jail he told me he wanted to break up and he wanted me to find someone else.

So I did, like the next day...just to see what he would do (I know that's not healthy) and it's like he was suddenly interested in me again. He cried and begged me back and here we are...unhappy because HE is unhappy.

I love him and I don't want to leave him (I never really did), but I don't know how to help him.

You're young. Don't throw your life away by fucking around with this guy. He needs to straighten his shit out first.

I don't mean to be harsh, but sometimes love isn't enough.