To the Elite Cadre of Ladies

[JD1stTimer]

You know who I mean... Hilder, StinkyAttic, BirdGirl, and others, you know who you are... How did you meet the good partners in your life? What I'm getting after is if it was at church, clubs, work, bars, civic organizations. And what was it that first attracted you to them and then held your attraction enough to get a relationship started? Were there certain themes in their conversation that interested you? Details please, I want to work more proactively to find what I am looking for in life and I am looking for the ladies like you, not fluff in their heads, low moral character and so forth. I am apparently quite clueless as to what actually happens to make the smart women attracted to the good men. I've been told by guys I respect that I just need to be a poonhound and get some any way I can and then I'll somehow have the answers I seek, but I think this advice is crap. I'm just looking for real-life examples of what has worked from your perspective. Thanks. :i feel stupid::1baa:

JD1stTimer Reviewed by JD1stTimer on 11-28-2007. To the Elite Cadre of Ladies You know who I mean... Hilder, StinkyAttic, BirdGirl, and others, you know who you are... How did you meet the good partners in your life? What I'm getting after is if it was at church, clubs, work, bars, civic organizations. And what was it that first attracted you to them and then held your attraction enough to get a relationship started? Were there certain themes in their conversation that interested you? Details please, I want to work more proactively to find what I am looking for in Rating: 5

[birdgirl73]

The best guys I ever met and dated were ones I was introduced to by friends, JD1sTimer. That's how I met my husband. His cousin and I were friends in college, and for many weeks the cousin had been telling me I ought to meet his cousin Dave because he thought we had lots in common and would like each other. I kept saying "Yeah, yeah, right" and changing the subject. Then one weekend in the fall, Dave came down to Austin to see his cousin and go to the UT football game. His cousin introduced me at lunch that day, and I realized I should have listened to his cousin earlier. Dave was tall and smart and funny and CUTE. The rest is history.

Setups from friends are a great way to find people with whom you have a lot in common because your friends know more about you than strangers and have more insight into your likes and dislikes than you might realize.

My sister met her husband through online dating, which wasn't even a possibility back in the dark ages of 1980 when I met Dave. But I do think online dating can work well, too, because it helps you find people with backgrounds and interests that are similar to yours. Volunteering and church groups are also good ways to meet others with common interests. Bars strike me as being less than ideal, but that's because I think it's easier to really meet and get to know someone in quieter, more sober circumstances. For a one-night hookup, a bar is great. I just haven't known of that many long-term relationships that got their start in bars.

[beachguy in thongs]

I'd be more than happy to call you a friend, JD1stTimer, but, I can't introduce you to any ladies. If you'd like to meet a strange girl, everything will seem strange. Just hold your breath and hope she likes you.

[stinkyattic]

"good partners"... heh heh!

Well, the most wonderful man I've ever had the pleasure of dating, I met right here on canncom. The Yeag was a fellow grower and we got talking because of our shared interest in growing pot, ended up doing a seed exchange, had to communicate a bit more because of some grow questions, and after a couple months of that I found out he was going through a divorce (we hadn't discussed SOs at all prior to that) and couple months later he flew up here for a week and it was just wonderful to find out that the spark translated just as well in person. I know it's not often that you get lucky like that. He had to move back home to Alaska though because his ex-wife moved home and took their son with her, so that was, sadly, the end of that. It was really neat to get to know someone through their words first, and even neater to find out that that person was no more and no less than he'd claimed to be. Just a good, kind, man who I miss very much.

The other really good relationship I've had was also recent- after Yeag and I parted ways- my tenant's best friend, Donk, who I'd met but not really noticed because of his grizzly adams beard, lol. I thought that dude with the beard and the jetta was really a cool guy, but never thought of him as cute. Apparently my tenants, observing our interaction and knowing both of us, decided to make it their mission to set us up. I heard through the grapevine that the decision was based on our equal levels of dorkiness, the way we talked about shit went over everyone elses' heads, and no one got our jokes except each other... hahahaha... They never had the chance; after a day on the river when we had more time to talk, we exchanged numbers and made plans to go fishing some morning that week before work, and that went so well that I made dinner for him a few days later and there you have it. Again, circumstances out of both of our control meant that the relationship was short-lived; he's got a baby on the way with his ex girlfriend and needs to get his own life in order in preparation for imminent fatherhood. We're still close; he's one of the smartest, funniest, most loyal men I have ever met and took care of my sorry ass through my last arrest and I know that I'd help him in any possible way when he needs it. He's coming over for dinner tonight actually; I'm making braised duck. It's funny how little tension there is. We're friends first and foremost, and the sex thing is over, and it doesn't matter that much.

But what these dudes have in common is that we met through a community that we were both a part of (canncom, and my tenants' friends), got talking more because of shared interests (gardening, and fishing) before we even had any physical attraction, and ended up hitting it off wonderfully. And neither time I was even looking. If I had been, no doubt it would have gone badly- the added pressure would certainly have ruined any chance that we had had to REALLY get to know the person.

By 'good' relationships I mean ones that I feel that no matter what happens, we'll always be close, even if we don't talk for months. So the ones that didn't work out as romances beg inclusion into this list. I've got another couple guy friends like that, Woz and Jay, who I met on group rides at different times. Woz is just a funny permanent bachelor with a bike too big for him and a sick sense of humor- we were ever so briefly involved but he'd drive me BATTY to date, so it's back to buddies. We go skiing in winter and bomb around town on our bikes in summer when he's not deployed to some obscure air base on the other end of the world. Jay, kind of similar; not dateable but after we went on this NASTY ride and I was able to keep up with his RC51 (he's literally the ONLY person I've ever met who has the strength and skills to handle a 1000cc race bike properly) on my Ninja 250, dragging footpegs in the process, we got back to my house, took off his helpmet, and was like, "Damn girl, wanna marry me?" hahaha no thanks, but let's do this again real soon big guy! My girls know him as Tantric Jay now... heh heh heh...

Anyway. Mutual interest is the way to go IMHO. There is little in the world I despise so much as trying to make small talk. I want a man with whom I can sit up yapping all night and then go DO something the next day.

One of these days I'm sure things will fall into place- I'd love to meet a man with all those qualities who DOESN'T have some dealbreaker issue- it will happen eventually with any luck. I just keep a full tank of gas in the bike, there's a fresh tippet on my fly rod, and my skis are sharp and ready to roll.

[geonagual]

First, my brother, you need to meet some women..are you down? can you handle it right now? I had read about the other issues that you have..wouldn't you hate to meet the woman of your dreams and you blow it because of an insecurity you have that you havent dealt with.
But other than that, you just talk to women and it will just naturally happen..but nothing happens unless you act...

[JD1stTimer]

Thanks, these are great examples! Geonagual, that's good advice too. I think I'll start by doing the activities I enjoy alone in a more social setting. Get back to church again, join their 20-30 singles group, now I know this is the way to go. I think also when I get more social I'll get what little skills I once had back in my arsenal and expand them more.
You guys are so great, I think maybe I should start going to NORML meetings as well, more people with a similar mindset/worldview to what I see here possibly. Birdgirl, we live really close, would you happen to know of anyone who meets up to fly kites, build models, or go on road trips/camping? I know most people don't find that kind of stuff interesting once you're out of highschool, but for some reason I really enjoy it.

[Hilder420]

HAHAHAHA how the hell did I miss this thread?!? thats sweet of you honey to include my name up there, but lemme tell you, the one good relationship i had is a disaster.. and not many to compare to.. youve stumped me.. but all tha advice up there seems about what id say if i had something to say... hahaha

[GraziLovesMary]

DUDE! Havent you seen Superbad!? You NEVER meet your wife at the bar! The only girl I would date that I met at a bar is one that looks like shes having as little fun as I am lol. Of course, I say that, but I cant truly make a blanket statement such as that. In reality the perfect woman for you can be found absolutely anywhere. However, the likelihood of meeting that one woman at a bar is relatively low compared to all the other examples here.

Have you ever tried volunteering at a summer camp? It sounds like you enjoy many of the activities there, and I guarantee that there are women your age who enjoy the same things, and as a result, might also be a "camp counselor." With any luck, you could meet a nice pretty one that really meshes with you. Just thought Id throw out an idea that I hadnt seen yet. Yeah.. the more I think of it... that sounds like a good idea. Just dont be one of those "camp counselors" lol you know the kind Im talking about just playin