I don't intend to breed, but if I do, I'm going to raise my kids to be scrooges like me. I want to get a note from the preschool teacher that my kid is making fun of his classmates for their bizarre belief in a fat man in a red suit who slides down billions of chimneys in one night and only gives gifts to Christian kids, and only gives fancy gifts to Christian kids whose parents make a lot of money.

(See why I don't intend to breed? The world is better off with no lil' Stinkys running around)