Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss... I can only imagine the pain... I really know what it's like to have those "What Ifs" because my aunt passed away this year, and I wasn't there for her for a year beforehand.
I understand somewhat, because of my Aunt. But what I learned from her passing was that everyone passes.
And I PERSONALLY KNOW that before any living creature passes, they are free from pain. Whatever Higher Power is out there wouldn't let an innocent kitty feel any pain.
Please know that your kitty will be there for you, and always look out for you.
I know my doggy will when he passes.

x