you should all be ashamed of yourselves. we all have the god given right never to be in the least bit offended and to be able to do whatever we damn well please. it's in the constitution, it's in the magna carta, it's in the bible, it's everywhere if you look hard enough.

i myself am highly offended by small neatly trimmed mustaches and have started an organization to rid the world those ungodly creatures who would flaunt these hideous excuses for facial hair.