Where about do you live?....Well,thereason I ask is maybe your state has a medical program you can join for free.I know here in Hawaii they offer free insurance to those of us who no can afford and it's free to talk to a psychiatrist.
Sounds like you do need someone to not just talk to,but open up to and express your problems and fears.
Scratch that,No Need to say where you live,you may just wanna google abit of info on your state and its benefits and programs.
You cannot change the past,but you can change how you look at it and how you accept it.Hope everything works out for you Bro.