people arent going to talk deep philosophy all the time thats just how it is. a public bus probably isnt a good place to look for deep conversation either. im definitely not the most social person in the world, but you are saying it as if there is like one right way to find out how to do it. trying to be like other people really isnt going to help you with naything in long run. here is what you need to learn. there isnt some secret to social skills, there is not one right thing to say that is going to make people like you. im not big on small talk myself, so i just dont do it that often. i dont like when people i barely know feel obligated to make it with me. consequently i dont make it with others unless the situation is so awkward and tense i have to. small talk isnt the secret to social skills. really if it is anyone i know and want to talk to i

here is what im going to tell you. im not trying to be a prick, but a lot of times i am probably smarter than the person im talking to. not always, but usually, and i dont even think about it. however, i never dumb myself down for the sake of other people, and even when i am in the minority opinion on something with people i like talking to i dont just go along with them. for example when people say things like oh man this is some dro or legalizing weed would make it all government, or insurance companies dont have an obligation to pay for your house if you knew you lived in the path of a storm, etc, anyuthing really. you just go with the conversation without sacrificing principals.

i think your biggest problem is overthinking it. at work sometimes, it is normally me and a regular few other people out on break and a few people that are there some of the time, all who can have a normal conversation with one another. then there is sometimes a quiet kid who will sit there and not say anything for ten minutes then just blurt something out at one point and cause an uncomfortable silence. i have a feeling this may be you, but im not accusing you of anything, just a guess. i used to be kind of like that, all non relaxed around people, now i just dont care.

and finally if you want any conversation deeper than shit small talk you have to know people better. the thing is people find it weird if someone they barely know walks up and wants to talk about something deep with them.

a way to talk to a new person basically is in a group of somoe people you already know. i am another here that doesnt like going to a party with a lot of people i dont know because i cant find what to talk about with people i dont know. i used to be scared to even try, but that passed some time ago. now i try but i swear people give me no help like i keep running into these conversational dead ends with the shit i try to talk about and they never offer up anything for me to go on. sometimes i rarely go to parties at all though, probably for that reason. like if someone who i know but dont know anyone they hang out with asks me to go to a party i will say now, for said reason.

no one is going to talk intellectual shit all the time. most people just dont do it at all. i personally like to, but rarely have the opportunity. i am not going to talk about something as stupid as the color of a bike for 25 minutes. i think there is some grey area. sometimes i want to talk about dumb shit too. the worst is when people who arent smart try to talk intellectual. i dont hate them for it, but why try to be something you arent, ill talk to you but dont talk a bout what you dont know.

the only exception for me is if i like a girl, i will actually listen intently to them talk about some mundane shit. i dont know why if i like someone like that then hearing it is totally different then hearing it from a normal person.

i am going to stop now. i am definitely no expert and it seems like i have just started typing a bunch of shit without really saying anything. i hope some of what i said can help, if not, it cant hurt. well hell maybe it can