People Listening/Searching for intellectual peers

[suhl]

people arent going to talk deep philosophy all the time thats just how it is. a public bus probably isnt a good place to look for deep conversation either. im definitely not the most social person in the world, but you are saying it as if there is like one right way to find out how to do it. trying to be like other people really isnt going to help you with naything in long run. here is what you need to learn. there isnt some secret to social skills, there is not one right thing to say that is going to make people like you. im not big on small talk myself, so i just dont do it that often. i dont like when people i barely know feel obligated to make it with me. consequently i dont make it with others unless the situation is so awkward and tense i have to. small talk isnt the secret to social skills. really if it is anyone i know and want to talk to i

here is what im going to tell you. im not trying to be a prick, but a lot of times i am probably smarter than the person im talking to. not always, but usually, and i dont even think about it. however, i never dumb myself down for the sake of other people, and even when i am in the minority opinion on something with people i like talking to i dont just go along with them. for example when people say things like oh man this is some dro or legalizing weed would make it all government, or insurance companies dont have an obligation to pay for your house if you knew you lived in the path of a storm, etc, anyuthing really. you just go with the conversation without sacrificing principals.

i think your biggest problem is overthinking it. at work sometimes, it is normally me and a regular few other people out on break and a few people that are there some of the time, all who can have a normal conversation with one another. then there is sometimes a quiet kid who will sit there and not say anything for ten minutes then just blurt something out at one point and cause an uncomfortable silence. i have a feeling this may be you, but im not accusing you of anything, just a guess. i used to be kind of like that, all non relaxed around people, now i just dont care.

and finally if you want any conversation deeper than shit small talk you have to know people better. the thing is people find it weird if someone they barely know walks up and wants to talk about something deep with them.

a way to talk to a new person basically is in a group of somoe people you already know. i am another here that doesnt like going to a party with a lot of people i dont know because i cant find what to talk about with people i dont know. i used to be scared to even try, but that passed some time ago. now i try but i swear people give me no help like i keep running into these conversational dead ends with the shit i try to talk about and they never offer up anything for me to go on. sometimes i rarely go to parties at all though, probably for that reason. like if someone who i know but dont know anyone they hang out with asks me to go to a party i will say now, for said reason.

no one is going to talk intellectual shit all the time. most people just dont do it at all. i personally like to, but rarely have the opportunity. i am not going to talk about something as stupid as the color of a bike for 25 minutes. i think there is some grey area. sometimes i want to talk about dumb shit too. the worst is when people who arent smart try to talk intellectual. i dont hate them for it, but why try to be something you arent, ill talk to you but dont talk a bout what you dont know.

the only exception for me is if i like a girl, i will actually listen intently to them talk about some mundane shit. i dont know why if i like someone like that then hearing it is totally different then hearing it from a normal person.

i am going to stop now. i am definitely no expert and it seems like i have just started typing a bunch of shit without really saying anything. i hope some of what i said can help, if not, it cant hurt. well hell maybe it can

[Tree_Burner]

Breaking the ice with someone can be a difficult thing to do at times, but just find ANYTHING to strike up a conversation with anyone. I.E. some article of clothing they might be wearing, something happening that you and the person or people are experiencing at the same moment, sports, music, etc. Some people just chat about nothing, I mean the average person will go blank if you talk about quantum physics, so keep it average at first.

Once you establish a conversation and a connection with a person, try to find out if they like to indulge in some tree burning, if they do, smoke them out! Smoking herb is a good way to socialize and talk to people.

Also try taking a class at a local college. That's a good place to meet intellectual people, or people with a decent amount of intelligence.

Just don't be scared or nervous about talking to others. Just Relax :-)

hope this helps buddy!

:thumbsup:

[dragonrider]

The people on Gandalf's bus are idiots. Only half of the people on my bus are idiots:


"I got that chain fixed on my bike."

"The bicycle is a faublous mode of transportation, don't you think? You get out in the fresh air and sunshine! It's at a pace that you can actually experience the world around you instead of just speeding by sealed inside a metal box. And it's so much better for the envronment than driving around in a gas-guzzling machine, spewing fumes everywhere you go."

"Yeah, but driving's better. My buddy got a new paint job on his car."

"Well, that must be nice for him. Isn't it great when you get something fixed up? Having something newly painted is like having something new. Although you have to be careful with paints --- I was reading recently that the volatile orgainc compunds that they use in paints are very bad for your health and the environemnt. There are some new regulations regarding VOCs going into effect in January."

"He got it painted blue."

"The word 'blue' is so interesting because of its diversity of meanings. It refers to the color, of course --- the clear sky or the deep sea. But there is also the meaining that refers to a sad or gloomy mood. It's such a nice color, but it also has this melancholy association. And then of course there is the blues musical style which, because of the typical subject matter of the music, takes it's name from that melancholy sense of the word. I've never understood the etymology of the term 'blue language' or 'blue film' in which 'blue' refers to risque or indecent, especially considering that blue is ofter also associated with purity --- the color associated with the Virgin Mary.'

"Yeah blue's good, I like red too..."

"It's intersting you would like both blue and red, because....."

[Reefer Rogue]

Talk about music and ganja and freedom and art and books and poetry and the sky. Talk about bloody anything, just keep talking to people. You'll find the rite one eventually, but only if you seek them.

[stinkyattic]

The more I see the thread title the more I wonder if you might come across as someone who considers himself a somewhat larger intellect than many people you talk to? This isn't an accusation, only a question to think about... it's been my experience that if I meet someone who seems to look down on me, I'll either become hostile or clam up. You CAN find a subject to talk to almost ANYONE about... practice on your hairdresser...

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

The more I see the thread title the more I wonder if you might come across as someone who considers himself a somewhat larger intellect than many people you talk to? This isn't an accusation, only a question to think about... it's been my experience that if I meet someone who seems to look down on me, I'll either become hostile or clam up. You CAN find a subject to talk to almost ANYONE about... practice on your hairdresser...

Nah, I'm really good at being friendly and easy going when I meet people; they tend to like me a lot. It's just that somehow, at some point, others bring it into something further that results in a relationship (friendly or otherwise). I can never seem to get past initial pleasantries.


Anyway, everybody, I'm not ignoring your posts, I'm just feeling really dizzy for some reason in the past couple days. Argh! Makes it hard to focus on anything.

[JD1stTimer]

Gandalf, this may sound strange, but it's what lifted me out of a gaping chasm of loneliness and despair (which I am slowly descending back into). I started attending a church where it was customary for everyone to hug each other at some point during the service, men, women, kids, doesn't matter. At first it really distressed me and everyone thought it was so weird for me to tense up. But after a while, I started enjoying it. The same way in Sunday school. Everyone was encouraged to give their opinions, and if you didn't volunteer every so many rounds the teacher would call on you and force it. This was also really hard for me but I stuck with it even when I thought I was going to quit. I found out that there is so much going on, it's not really as mindless as I thought. Most people are reading skin colors, facial expressions and muscle tone, and I think they can even smell emotions through pheromones to figure out if they really feel the way they're acting. It's almost an animal thing and the more you get in touch with it, the more you'll see subcommunication which is more sophisticated than the verbal language. For me though, I had to force myself over a period of years. It also helped that the people at this church would not say anything critical about what you had to say. And it doesn't have to be church. I think AA or anything else could work, but churches usually don't have a certain subgroup of people they are working with.