People Listening/Searching for intellectual peers

[Staurm]

I find the general bollocks people talk around me convenient sometimes, usually when I don't have to listen to it. Most of the time I don't even need another person to have a conversation. It's office/research group/meeting bollocks that drives me insane, that I have to listen to. People really do talk a lot of shit, few people have the ability to think for themselves anymore.

Staurm Reviewed by Staurm on 11-20-2007. People Listening/Searching for intellectual peers Inspired by the people watching thread of course:jointsmile:. Anybody ever tried people listening? I've tried people-listening so I can learn how to socialize, analyzing conversations to see how average people make small talk/chit chat (as is I'm totally socially isolated outside these boards). Honestly, average people talk about nothing. I was listening to this guy and girl talking on the bus and it was 25 minutes of: "I got that chain fixed on my bike" "yeah, not having a bike Rating: 5

[Gandalf_The_Grey]

Dude you are way to smart to not have a g/f or have good socializing skills. I mean out of all the people on these boards I ALWAYS make sure I read your posts. They're ALWAYS informative, smart, and above all true. I mean if I were as smart as you I would use it on society. Everyone likes to talk to smart people.

Thanks man, but I'm not necessarily as smart as you think. Intelligence takes many forms. In my case my writing and articulation intelligence is very high, but my social intelligence is downright retarded. Like I said, I'm sort of 1/3 autistic in my thinking.

Coelho, I "deepest and honest reasons for wanting to be social", are simply that I'm sick and tired of being alone. Everybody has a deep, ingrained need to have companionship at some point, and I'm 22 and still have yet to be kissed. Having never experienced intimacy, I can't help but feel like I'm missing something major in my life.
About 6 months ago I started to notice this feeling growing inside of me, like a blackhole that drains me, and it can only be cured by finally experiencing intimacy. Even outside of that, it would be nice to have a social network or at least a couple friends. Being completely alone has just really started to bother me. Though thankfully, only lately, I've worked hard to attaining an emotionally healthy state of mind and have finally achieved it.

I know the true reason your social skills suck:

Your afraid of looking bad

Nope, sorry. I know that's the common one, I've researched social anxiety disorder thoroughly and that's the number 1 thing with most if not all shy people. But in my case I don't give a shit how I look, I'm just hindered by an analytical pseudo-autistic way of thinking. Albeit I've learned a great deal over the years, I can talk to people rather well initially, and charm them to boot, but I don't understand how to take it into a friendship or intimacy.

I meet new smart people at college- if you don't take college classes now, try taking easy ones just to get to know people if you're able to afford it. Find out stuff you're interested in, and try to sit next to someone interesting-looking, I suppose?

lol, that's just what my Mother has been telling me PurpleBanana. But I've been going to college for 2 years and have yet to meet somebody.

[n1nj4]

I honestly have a hard time talking to people I don't know. I can talk to my friends fine, but thats why I'm not a big party person. I'm not good at making small talk at all because honestly, I can't ever think of anything that would interest the other person. This only happens with people I don't know. It's very strange, and I hate it. But what can I do? I try enough that any normal person would have developed this skill by now, but not me. Very strange.

[thcbongman]

I honestly have a hard time talking to people I don't know. I can talk to my friends fine, but thats why I'm not a big party person. I'm not good at making small talk at all because honestly, I can't ever think of anything that would interest the other person. This only happens with people I don't know. It's very strange, and I hate it. But what can I do? I try enough that any normal person would have developed this skill by now, but not me. Very strange.

Since millions if not billion of people are like this, define normal.

That's one of my social barriers. I have a hard time connecting with people because of it. You are definitely not alone.

[Spoken Word]

I honestly have a hard time talking to people I don't know.

I wonder if you mean complete strangers. Because strangers aren't all the same. Some are kind and make you feel welcome while others are stuck up and make you feel like shit.

If I met a group of people at a party and they weren't judging me, I would have no problem kicking it with them and shooting the shit. But once I feel they think they are better than me, the "meeting" is over.

But if they seem genuine and just want to have an interesting conversation, I have no problem expressing myself perfectly. I actually think that's kind of fun, meeting new people and getting to know how others think and act. There are some pretty interesting people out there...it's just a matter of finding topics and carrying conversations that "strangers" would like to share their opinions in.

[expandingeye]

That post was very interesting coehlo. I usually almost look at stuff in that perspective just never thought of it as that seperate before.
I cannot believe you do that in your day to day life, everyday. It is just very similar to how i act around people in day to day life also.


Also reading some of these posts it is crazy to me how much emphasis is put on living when growing up. So much it creates upsetting social disorders that are only created because everyone around them is put in the same messed up environment. At least thats what i believe.
I have the same problem, i mean i just dont have that many friends which will talk the way you are looking for. But i just accepted to be alone when not with friends i guess. I dont need intelligent discussion 24/7 to realize myself, it is just preferable.

[dragonrider]

When you are in a conversaion that seems to hit a dead spot, it's usually best to ask a question. It's harder to try to think of something that another person will be interested in hearing. But people like to talk about themselves, so if you help to draw them out with questions, it can keep a conversation moving. People will think you are a great conversationalist if you ask them lots of questions and show an interest in what they are talking about. If you spend the whole time talking about yourself or what you think or trying to teach them something, they might find it boring.

People also like small compliments, as long as you don't everdo it.

Meeting smart people who have shared interests can be hard if you are not really a "joiner." It's usually easier if you can go to the places where those peopoe are: classes, special interest clubs, etc. But sometimes that feels a littel artificial or stuffy --- I like intellectual conversations, but that's not all I like.

I have met a lot of very smart people at work. I've made some great friends through my jobs.

Most of my freinds though, have come through other freinds. Certain people are "connectors" who make lots of freinds easily, and those are the people who connect the rest of us who don't make freinds as easily. If you can meet a person like that, it will help you to expand your circle.

And if it's actually a girlfreind you are looking for it's OK to let people know you are looking. I met most of my girlfreinds and my wife through other people who introduced us. They didn't necessarily say "here's your new girlfriend," they just introduced us and let things go from there.

Another thing to remember is to not put too much importance on every social interaction. Don't worry too much about how your reaching out is going to be percieved. I used to do that. It's not a big deal to invite a coworker you like to lunch. It's not a big deal if you ask a girl out and she is not interested. You have to reach out. Everyone does, so don't worry about it.

[Coelho]

Well Gandalf... after reading your response to my post i realize that me and you are not so alike as i thought initially... so the best advice i can give is to follow the advices from our more socially skilled members... cause it will be far more useful for you than mine. Anyway... when you were are a socially skilled person, maybe you will find that a bit of controlled folly is highly useful...

That post was very interesting coehlo. I usually almost look at stuff in that perspective just never thought of it as that seperate before.

Well... i think i exagerated a bit when talked about the "separation" between the body and the self... but it was the only word i could find to describe it... sometimes dont speaking english sucks... anyway... i think the word "from perspective" is more adequate... but you did understand what i meant, and its what matters. :thumbsup:

I cannot believe you do that in your day to day life, everyday. It is just very similar to how i act around people in day to day life also.

Oh yes, i do... and if you does it everyday also, you know that is possible.

[GraziLovesMary]

Well, there are different levels of conversation, as you are undoubtedly aware. For the most part, you arent going to find a plethora of cerebrally-stimulating conversation on public transportation. People riding on the bus are only going to make small talk--meaningless conversation that can be ended at any second when somebody else has to get off. I am not sure what kinds of social activities are popular in your neck of the woods, but around here, hookah bars are rather popular. Ive found that, for the most part, they are populated by young, intellectual thinkers like yourself who enjoy the mellow relaxed atmosphere. People go there to read, to smoke tobacco, to study, to write papers, to do art, to meet people, and to have stimulating conversation. I have been to 4 different hookah bars here, some of them multiple times, and they all seem to be pretty stimulating, although some more than others. What can it hurt? Ya go to a hookah bar, pay a few bucks for a hookah, sit down at a table or couch or whatever they have, and wait for people to sit down and talk to you. Or start the conversations yourself. Or shit.. just go there a couple times and observe.

It would seem to me that your unease with crowds stems from a control issue. Statistically speaking, the more people in a given area, the higher the probability of something happening that you didnt predict. You arent sure whats going to happen, and it unsettles you. In time, I have a feeling that the more you get to know your fellow man, the more you will realize he is more predictable than you originally thought

I could be totally off about why you dont like crowds, but Im still throwing out hookah bars as a place for intellectual conversation.

[Jah420]

"I got that chain fixed on my bike"
"yeah, not having a bike sucks"
"yeah, but driving's better. My buddy got a new paint job on his car"
"What colour?"
"Blue"
"yeah blue's good, I like red too..."

Gandalf we should really chat man :smokin:

I'll rep you my msn