Wow man...thats like a mirror of my last relationship (5 years and we were engaged). The girl was REALLY important to me, helped me through a really bad time in my life and did what i felt was enrich me as a person. However the last few years went down hill, she started telling me who i could and couldnt talk to (we'll she tried atleast) and if it had a vagina it was strictly off limits. I wasn't allowed to smoke, quit for probably the better part of 2 years till shit got really bad between us, and i made a new friend that loved to have me over and smoke me to the face (suppose he didnt have many friends that partook, and i like to think im a fun person to be around). Ultimatly walked in on her fucking another guy, and said "Thank you so much for giving me a reason to drop your ass". Prior to that i had found a few really shady text messages on her cell phone that i let slide because she claimed they were from close friends and ill admit i make some comments that could sound REALLY bad if taken out of context towards my friends.

Ultimatly ive moved back home for a few months, im not really smoking at the moment but thats more because everyone i know in this area has either A) gotten arrested B) moved away or C) stopped dealing, but i do have plant growing. Im alot happier now as well, my advice to you is end it man, it sounds like she treats you like shit and you seem to be looking for a way out. Theres no reason to try and maintain a realtionship when all it does it make you feel shitty (i mean hey, a relationship is supposed to make you feel good, sure we all have ups and downs in them but seems like you're in a perpetual trough to me). More importantly, someone should love you for you and not want you to make any major changes you're not ready to make.

whatever you DO NOT move in with her until you get this shit sorted out because believe me... you may think you're ready to live with someone but moving in with someone, especially someone you're not incredibly happy with, is one of the most DIFFICULT things to do.

Really though i feel your pain, and i know its a tough situation.