Girlfriend hates pot :(

[matthiasj]

get a girl who smokes.
you'll get over this one, i know you really really like her, but you will really really love your new stoner girlfriend.

only problem is that there are no stoner girls in the area i live in, and if i end up moving away after college it'll be closer to my girlfriend and i wont be doing much looking for someone then

matthiasj Reviewed by matthiasj on 11-09-2007. Girlfriend hates pot :( I've been smoking pretty regularly for a couple years now, and I've been dating this girl for a while. I recently told her i quit and only smoke occasionally now, she's really against it, and thinks it changes me and would ruin our relationship. When i used to smoke and we were dating i wouldn't talk to her because I'd be smoking with my buddies, i cant convince her that its ok, doesn't change me, and wouldn't effect our relationship. What should i do? Rating: 5

[birdgirl73]

I wish we could come to an agreement, I'm still trying to figure out what to do.

Just as an FYI, sometimes couples can negotiate compromises, and sometimes you just have to agree to disagree and still work out a way to exist with each other and your differences.

Here's her stance: She worries about the illegality of pot and the fact that when you're high you may act a little different. Those are legitimate worries. People do act and feel different when they're high. Actually, that's a big part of why they enjoy getting high. And the illegality? People very definitely get busted for grass. That's a valid concern. She also worries about its effects on your health and possibly hers, too. If she's not a smoker and doesn't like the stuff, she shouldn't have to get second-hand weed smoke if she doesn't want to.

Here's your stance: You fully intend to smoke anyway and hang with your buddies and do so. Sounds like you also fully intend to spend your spare money on weed. You're also willing to be dishonest with her about the facts and frequency of your smoking. So it's obviously very important to you. You also mentioned that you want to persuade her to come around on the topic, but all you can do is provide the information to persuade. She's the one who'll have to come around. And she may not. You can't change someone else. You can only influence her. She's the one who'll have to do the changing.

Lost of people have a whole lot of negative perceptions about weed. Some of those have valid foundations. Many don't. Education--a slow and gradual campaign of information and facts regarding cannabis--can make a difference. If I were your girl, though, nothing in the world would ever make me feel better about its illegality. No one who loves someone else wants to see him doing something that could risk him getting busted. If I ever found out about it, I also wouldn't feel very good about the fact that you lied to me.

She may not come around on this topic. If that's the case, you'll have to agree to disagree and find a way for you to smoke separately from her. Hope that won't be the case and that you two can reach a compromise that you're both comfortable with. Good luck! Keep us updated, OK?

[JAKERM8]

just do what any real man would...lie your way out of it.

[birdgirl73]

just do what any real man would...lie your way out of it.

^^ That sounds more like what a little boy would do! A real man--at least a good one--will tell the truth, even if it causes him problems.

[shyboots]

Try explaining to her what it feels like when you get stoned so you are sharing the experience with her as much as possible, then she wont feel so shut out. I speak as a non smoker married to a smoker so can totally sympathise with your gf. My husband doesnt often get stoned with his friends tho but when he did I hated it and we split up over it, eventually got back together and married when he started putting me first!

[BudGrower]

I've been married for 25 years to a woman who never smoked pot and thinks it is bad for my mind and heart (she is a nurse), but she can never tell if I smoked some since I keep my teeth clean and use mouthwash to keep my breath fresh. I have no problem with her, just so she never sees me smoking it, she never sees my water pipe, and she can never tell I just smoked some. Since she can't, we get along just fine. Sometimes she complains about my stash in the freezer, but it is not a problem.

[LaidZeppelin]

My girfriend doesnt care that I smoke at all even though she doesnt. she also doesnt care that I grow and she has even turned off my lights for me a couple times when my timers broke...sorry, you should dump her she sounds like a prude. Also your still in high school once you go to college this girl will probably be out of the picture even if you do stay in town.

[shyboots]

Budgrower....Surely your wife can tell you have smoked by your eyes?? I can ALWAYS tell cos my husbands eye swell and redden slightly and sometimes his speech is very slightly slurred, plus the smell of the hash is in his hair and clothes. :-)

[BudGrower]

Shyboots, that is what you would think but I guess I don't smoke enough to make my eyes red or get slurred speech. She has a strong sense of smell, but I swear she cannot tell I just smoked some. About once a month she can tell, but I smoke every day and she cannot tell, trust me. Just keep a clean mouth and use mouthwash, keep the smoke going out the window, and it is hard to tell someone just smoked.

Hell, I've been smoking it for 35 years and I can still skateboard down a hill carving S turns all the way to the bottom AFTER smoking heavy duty. I just went skateboarding last Friday right after smoking some heavy-hitting stuff.

[DurbanStone]

Personally I would say "you are a controlling bitch, I choose the weed over you".