Last week I went outside for a cancer stick and no joke...... there was a chicken looking up at me. I offered it no strings attached chicken sex but it declined so I picked it up under one arm and took it for a walk. After returning from the park some old lady ran up to me and said "Oh thankyou so much!!", took the chicken off me and gave me a fiver for finding it. I said i'd prefer to sex the chicken but I dont think she heard me so I just went back inside.

That is 100% true.

(Except for the sex parts)