Should I tell him?

[cm8883]

Hilder--the first thing that came to my mind when I read your post was that he would respect you even more knowing what you've gone through and are still a strong, independent female.
I would definitely tell him if it were me; just so there won't be any secrets between you; you can start your marriage fresh, knowing he knows it all and loves you still.

cm8883 Reviewed by cm8883 on 11-01-2007. Should I tell him? *** READ*** OK, this is a very sensitive issue for me, so if you've got something crass to say or insensitive, I'd rather you not post a reply. I've decided that I'm going to commit to a relationship with the man I've sort of been seeing for the past six years, and possibly marry him. I still haven't made up my mind about children, bu the loves them and is great with all of his nephews and friends kids. he wants children so badly, and i am honestly considering it because i know that no Rating: 5

[illnillinois]

a relationship without honesty wont last.

[geonagual]

hmmmm...only tell him if you feel it will help you...if not then dont say anything...you have already went 6 years without saying anything...scratch that...just tell him, be open, be done with it..everything always works out and this will to..Peace, D

[cutecalikitty]

Hilder, you should be so proud of yourself for having the courage to share what has happened to you .. not just with those physically close to you, but with us here. That is commendable and truly shows that you are sincere in your concern about how this could affect your relationship ..

Realize that you dont have to give any explanation to him about how/what happened, so dont feel compelled to "make him understand", but do open your heart to the fact that he can provide a comfort to you like no other.

Follow your heart .. I think you already realize that its something you should share with him .. you just need to feel when the time is right.

*big hugs* to you. There's no doubt that he's got a strong, independent woman with a big heart to match.

Hope you post here once you make final wedding plans. Would love to celebrate with you .. even if its here online :hippy:

[Hilder420]

AARRGGHH!!!! I dont know what to do... I just dont know what hes gonna think or say.. He is or was a runner, when i told him i had an abortion without telling him first he didnt speak to me for a year. I dont expect him to run away this time, but im afraid he will see me as damaged and maybe feel sorry for me. I dont want pity from anyone. One of the biggest hang ups we have is that i keep myself at a distance and dont immerse myself in our relationship. he knows its hard for me to let my guard down, and one of the reasons is because im afraid of letting myself fall in love with him, and he break my heart again. I dont think i could take that again. the other is my distrust of men. then theres the whole me not being able to show my emotions when im sad or distressed. If im alone, i can cry, but if ANYONE is in the room, i cant cry. all i do is remain detached and stoic, and it frustrates him that i dont open up to him. Ive tried telling him before, but i cant seem to be able to make the words come out of my mouth. I might have to write him a letter. I feel i should tell him because he feels i lock him out of so much of whats going on with me, that i dont want him to think i dont trust him. It would explain a Hell of alot. God, im beginnig to think i should just leave it all alone, and just run and give him the out he should take because he doesnt deserve to deal with all of my bullshit. maybe im meant to be alone, and honestly it would be soooo much easier for all parties involved.

[cutecalikitty]

Hilder, what happened was NOT your fault .. stop convicting yourself for a crime you did not commit.

What happened to you in your life is what has made you who you are today. From the sound of it, you seem to be pretty happy with the woman you have become.

Have you considered having some type of pre-marital counseling? There may be some good insight to gain from that. Plus it gives you both someone you can discuss your feelings with privately.

Best of luck to you .. and stop being so hard on yourself :hippy:

[qdavid]

Yes. Most definitely. There are so many reasons you should. I'll give just one. If he somehow found out later and you hadn't told him, it'd hurt him bad.

[Hilder420]

All right everything i say in this thread stays here got it!!! no treating me different everywhere else.

Hilder, what happened was NOT your fault .. stop convicting yourself for a crime you did not commit.

I know its not my fault, Ive watched enough Oprah to know that. After all i was only 9 when it started.

What happened to you in your life is what has made you who you are today. From the sound of it, you seem to be pretty happy with the woman you have become.

i sure put up a good front huh? no, I am pretty much happy most of the time. i manage to forget about it for a while, especially when weed is present hahaha but at times i can get into a depressing mood and burst out crying at the drop of a hat.

[fallenangel14]

WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT YOU SHOULD TELL HIM....IF ANYTHING HE WILL, SUPPORT YOU, LOVE YOU AND WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU....BEST OF LUCK TO YOU.....:thumbsup:

[qdavid]

Huh? Speak up, would you. Nevermind my smartass remark. Using caps on the internet mens you're shouting.