Most people are looking for connections in life, and that seems to be the main case with 1people who are troubled by anti-social tendencies within themselves.

We're all connected through similarities. The majority of the population has something wrong with them. I grew up in a family that has experienced all types of abuse:
drugs,
physical abuse,
mental abuse,
death,
divorce,
seperation....

And yet, I stand here, a young adult on his was to success. I experienced what a lot of people experience, and yet I end up like this? For a while I was angry with the fact that I could end up so... normal, above average if you will, and I had all this shit happen in my life. I say all this for rhetoric, I want you to see that there's a way to be stable after a life of instability.

You say you can barely explain the problem but yet you describe it fairly well, and this is what i've summed up from everything:

1. You're not entirely sure of what you want to do in life, but you think you have an idea, and the idea you first had isn't working out. So, you're trying something else but now you've got to deal with the problem of not wanting what you got yourself into originally.
2. You're upset over the fact that you can't make yourself do something when you obviously have the ability to do it, but you don't want to do it because you're sick of always doing things that are making you stressed out. And all this stress is making you emotional, but you don't understand your emotions because you are instable from stress. You say these worries go through your head 24/7, and that is probably your main issue. You don't know how to NOT worry, but it's ok, because humans often get lost in paradoxical thought processes. Infinity is a thing humans can't comprehend, and when we do something infinite or think something infinite, things become chaotic.
3. Fight or flight, this is a common term for panic attacks. It's where one must make a decision in a situation where they are in a panicked state. They don't understand how to deal with a situation so they try to escape or flee from the problem. And you are doing simply that. You say it's to take a break from reality, but what I believe to have learned is that reality is what you make of it. Have you ever tried to "step back" from yourself, and examined whatever it is that you're worrying about? When I feel that i'm getting to worked up and worried, I make myself stop, and step back from reality(if you will), and think about everything that's going on. I think about why i'm worrying, why does it all matter, why do I care, and why am I over analyzing things? In your situation, you say you're fearful of opening up to someone because you have no idea what to expect. Have you ever considered that you're not the only one who's felt whatever you are feeling, and you're not the only one who is having these problems? People aren't as critical as you think. I think you have it too embedded in your mind that something is wrong with you, when nothing is wrong at all.
4. You're afraid of being alone. Well, there's a lot of things, a lot of people, that are all alone. You just need to cope with the fact that there are times in your life you're going to be "alone", but do not worry, you have yourself! You must learn to love yourself, however stupid you think that sounds. You have to learn to tolerate yourself and accept yourself before you can even handle others. Now, why are you afraid of being alone? I would assume it's because you want the affection of another person. You want the emotion that comes from all the relationships in life. You're just going to have to make the effort of making the relationships.

And you should be asking yourself,
"what can I do to help myself?"
because how can someone else help you if you can't even help yourself?